Natasha's Redemption
by Fiercelyyours
Summary: Natasha Romanoff's decision to side with Tony Stark in favor of signing the Accords is at odds with her friendship with Steve Rogers. When she is wounded and captured by the government in the Civil War battle as incentive for Steve Rogers to sign the Accords, things spiral out of control, changing her life forever. Romanogers.
1. Chapter 1

**Set during Civil War after the main fight scene between both teams as Steve and Bucky make their escape.**

Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes came bolting towards the quinjet, desperate to make their escape. In their rush, they didn't notice that Natasha had already made it there. She watched them getting closer, her loyalties torn.

The Avengers had become the closest thing to family Natasha had ever known, she hated to see them split. But sides had had to be taken, and to her chagrin, she found herself on the team opposite Steve Rogers. She had stuck to her initial choice in spite of it, she truly believed that for once in his life, Tony had it right. But Steve had never steered her wrong, and in the face of so much unnecessary violence, she found herself beginning to waver.

 _Once a double agent, always a double agent,_ a nasty voice quipped in her ear, _you are incapable of loyalty. If Steve knew your secrets, he wouldn't want you within a ten foot radius of him._

Natasha shook her head angrily. Steve did know her secrets, everyone did, she had dumped them onto the internet along with all the Shield/Hydra files. She knew Steve had read them, any true leader would do his research on his team members, and Steve was nothing if not thorough. She had waited for his reaction, certain she would see disgust and disappointment. She had already made plans to leave the Avengers headquarters in search of a different life. It wasn't the first time her cover had been blown and she found herself unwanted. But Steve never let on whether he had read the files.

In the days that followed the file dump he shared secret locations and other sensitive material with her without batting an eye. He never even hinted that she could be anything but upstanding, reliable and true. Not knowing his true thoughts had eaten away at her, how could he be so irresponsible as to not do his research? If he HAD read the files, how could he put their team at risk by trusting someone like her? Finally she couldn't stand it anymore, her conscience smote her incessantly, a feeling that was unfamiliar and unwelcome. One day as he was discussing plans and tactics openly with her, she snapped.

"Did you even read the files Steve? You know what I'm capable of Rogers, why are you messing with me, sharing all this information with me? Acting like I'm some moral compass you can rely on. Newsflash, I've done terrible, terrible things. You should be locking me up Rogers, not sharing crucial intelligence!" She glared at him, defiant, daring him to contradict her, prepared for him to throw her out.

Steve had just smiled at her kindly, a hint of sadness in his blue eyes, as though she were missing something obvious and it pained him. His voice was calm and kind as he replied, "Nat, you have done terrible things, it's true. I read the files. They took you as a little girl. The things you did you were conditioned to do, you didn't know any better."

Natasha smarted at his words, "Don't you dare pity me Rogers. I knew what I was doing. I'm probably the biggest monster on this team. You are a fool to keep me around now that you know."

Steve looked at her seriously, "I don't pity you. By keeping you around I am holding you to a higher standard. Make no mistake Natasha, I am aware of your skillset, I am aware of the risk. But you are capable of great things. You can choose good or evil, and you must choose. We all have to make that choice every single day. I want you as my second in command because I'm betting I can trust you to choose good. After the hell you've been through, I can't imagine you wanting that life back. Before I read the files you had just as many opportunities to bring me down as you have now. You've proven yourself trustworthy over and over again."

He had put his hand cautiously on her shoulder then, "I told you before, I want you as my friend. So I'm treating you like one."

She had stared at him, her eyes wide with disbelief. "There's a chance you've made a terrible mistake trusting me. Hell I don't even trust me."

Steve had smiled and shrugged, letting his hand fall, "Time will tell. I feel pretty good about it. Get those Red Room drill sergeants out of your head and let's get some work done Romanoff."

Natasha pressed her lips together in a thin line. He had been right, the voices of her drill sergeants had never left her. She battled with their criticism on a daily basis. But with Steve's unwavering friendship, she had begun to feel like she was more than a failed Soviet experiment.

 _Your feelings for him make you weak._

"I don't have feelings for him," she muttered under her breath. At that moment, the Vision noticed Steve and Bucky's escape, and felled a building, only to have it caught and held up by the Scarlett witch. Steve came hurtling towards her, directly under the building when suddenly the red haze keeping it off of Steve disappeared. Natashia watched as if in slow motion, her heart suddenly in her throat as the rubble came crashing down on top of Steve. A wall of dust blocked her vision, keeping her from seeing if he had made it through. He pulse thundered in her ears. Could Steve be dead over an idiotic argument? Could the only good influence in her life be snuffed out so easily? What would happen to her now? She fought a sudden rush of panic. She stuffed it back down, her face a mask of calm. As the dust settled, an outline appeared, and then another. They had both made it through. She allowed herself one moment of relief, her head dropping momentarily to her hand.

 _Remember your mission Agent._

She stood and methodically walked forward. She was supposed to stop them, but she suddenly lacked the motivation and desire to do so. Her limbs felt heavy as lead.

Cap's head snapped up as she came into view, "Natasha." He said her name warily, uncertain what to expect. It made her heart twinge to hear his doubt, but she didn't blame him.

"You aren't going to stop are you?"

Steve shook his head, almost apologetic. She sighed, "I'm going to regret this aren't I?" Raising her arm, she saw the look of alarm cross Steve's face before she shot a stinger at Black Panther, who had materialized behind them, silent as the grave. She looked at Steve, sharing a look of apology and understanding. "Go." She shot another stinger. Holding off the Black Panther, she urged Steve and Bucky to leave quickly. She belonged on Steve's team. She trusted him, she realized. She had just switched sides, and she knew there would be hell to pay.

As the jet lifted off, she realized she was out of stingers. Her heart sank as Black Panther stood upright, shaking off the last of the painful effects.


	2. Chapter 2

As the quinjet lifted off, Steve Rogers looked back over his shoulder at Natasha. He felt a prickle of anxiety leaving her, but he pushed that thought away. She had been through far worse things and survived. She was a fighter, she would be fine. Still he watched her as they lifted high above her. She had run out of stingers. As the jet sprang forward, so did Black Panther, and Steve could see Natasha long enough to watch him claw across her belly, her protective suit shredding under the force of vibranium claws.

Steve slammed his fist against the bullet proof glass. "We have to turn around! Natasha is in trouble!"

Bucky looked at him incredulously, "We can't go back, we barely made it out! This is our only chance to catch that madman Steve!"

"Buck she's injured, and badly!"

"Her team will help her Steve, we can't. Besides, I've seen her in action, I once shot her clear through her stomach and she still managed to survive."

Steve froze in place, a flicker of fury crossing his face as he looked at Bucky. Bucky had the sense to look contrite.

"Steve, I was ordered to go after her. When I woke up I was really happy that I hadn't killed her. Honest."

Steve's shoulders relaxed gradually, a sigh escaping him as he massaged his forehead. "I know Buck. I'm sorry."

"She's going to be alright."

Steve nodded and took a seat, staring out the window, lost in his own thoughts. If anyone could take care of herself, it was Natasha. Still, he knew he wouldn't stop worrying until he saw she was safe. She was still his friend, no matter what side she took. Pulling out his burner phone, he texted Tony, "Find Natasha."

He would have to ditch the phone now, or Tony would track their location. But at least he would get the message.

Natasha doubled over, furious that Black panther had managed to wound her.

"You let them get away!" he raged at her. "That man is responsible for the death of my father!"

Natasha, her arm wrapped around her abdomen, looked up at him. "I told you I would help you find them, not help you catch them." She smirked, hiding her pain.

Black Panther approached her, menacing. "Who's side are you on Widow? I don't tolerate traitors and double agents. Tony never should have trusted you."

"We've been going about this the wrong way,' she straightened, wary. Her eyes flickered to her surroundings, looking for an escape. The building that Vision had toppled blocked her from the rest of her team. She could climb over it, but Black Panther was in her way.

"Let me pass," she said to him, her voice low and dangerous.

"I'm not letting you out of my sight," he snarled back at her, "And without your stingers you're no match for me."

Natasha lunged at him, landing a kick to his gut that doubled him over, he swung out at her in response. She dodged, but not far enough to escape his claws that raked along her back, cutting through her suit like butter. She needed a serious upgrade. In the moment it took her to flinch, Panther had swept her feet out from under her, landing her heavily on her back.

"Let me talk to Tony!" she said struggling for breath. "There may be another way to resolve this!"

"The only way you are seeing him is from behind bars," he snarled at her. She started to spring to her feet, but too slowly. The Black Panther landed a solid punch to her face that reverberated through her small frame, knocking her out cold.

The Black Panther paused to catch his breath, watching her warily. She needed medical attention, her blood pooling slowly beneath her. She would get treated after she was securely locked away. As he made to pick her up, something whizzed past his ear and stuck him in the neck. Ripping it out he looked at it furiously. A dart. Panthers vision quickly blurred and went black.

By the time Tony Stark arrived, looking for Natasha, all he found was Black Panther's unconscious form, and a small pool of blood where Natasha had lain.


	3. Chapter 3

Steve slouched in his chair, his brow furrowed with worry. Bucky looked over at him quizzically.

"Steve, she's fine."

Steve just nodded. Bucky gave him a long look.

"Are you in love with her?"

Steve started, and sat up straight, "What? No! She's my friend Buck, she's had my back. I hate having her on the opposite team, I hate that there are teams at all. We are all in danger of being hurt as long as we keep fighting each other. I feel responsible. I just want her to be safe."

Bucky was silent for a moment, then smiled a mischievous smile, "Yeah I still think you love her.. Geez Steve, she's a far cry from Peggy Carter."

Steve turned to face Bucky, his face unreadable. After a moment he spoke, "Peggy Carter was one of the greatest women I ever knew. She also had the privilege of growing up in a good family, who instilled in her a moral code and taught her to stand up for what's right. Natasha had no such privilege. She was a slave to the Russians since she was old enough to walk. Brainwashed and trained to kill on command, the Russians taught her that the only loyalty she should have was to Russia, and that compassion, mercy and love were weaknesses.

Yet somehow, somewhere along the line, she learned to love. She learned gentleness, she values friendship more every day.I don't know if someone showed her these things, or if she is just finally able to be herself, but it's beautiful Buck. She's proven herself as a friend, she fights against her upbringing every single day and works to uncover right from wrong in a world where those ideas are extremely muddled." Steve paused for a moment, thoughtful, "I'd say that makes her just as strong as Peggy."

Steve turned to look out the window, silent.

Bucky was taken aback, and for a moment they flew in silence. Then a smile crept onto Bucky's face, "Steve, you love her." Bucky turned and gave him a full grin and shoved him, "You totally love her."

Steve sighed, exasperated. "You can care about people without being in love with them Buck. What are we 9 years old?"

Bucky chuckled, "Try 90."

Steve sighed.

* * *

Natasha woke to her entire body throbbing, burning pain like fire covering her skin. She squeezed her eyes shut and swallowed a moan. She took a slow, deliberate breath in and slowly, imperceptibly, she let it out. You've hurt worse, she reminded herself, Just breathe through it. Eyes still closed, she listened for any motion in the room that would tell her if she was alone. Silence. She opened her eyes just a crack. She was in an empty hospital room. As she opened her eyes completely, she realized with a start she was strapped to the bed, and someone had removed the top of her suit, leaving her in nothing but her bra, bare to the hips. Covering her body were several angry looking lacerations, some running from her shoulder to her hip, others directly across her stomach. She struggled weakly against her restraints, trying not to aggravate her injuries. Despite her efforts, she began to bleed anew. Great, she thought to herself, These are definitely going to scar.

After about a minute of painful effort, Natasha slipped out of her arm restraints. Why did they even bother? She examined her wounds gingerly. They didn't even look like they had been cleaned, what sort of hospital was this? Gradually she noticed one wound that was different from the rest. A small cut above her belly button, only about an inch long compared to the lacerations that ran from her hip to her collarbone. It was stitched shut. She prodded it carefully, a strange lump confirming what she had feared, something had been inserted into her abdomen. Judging by the fact that they had ignored her wounds, she knew it couldn't be a good thing.

Rapidly she freed herself from her ankle restraints and threw her legs over the side of the bed. Her body burned, the pain making her hands tremble visibly. There were stripes of blood on the sheets where she had been lying from the wounds down her back. She dropped her head into her hand, Alright Natasha, she thought to herself, You have ten seconds to feel. She breathed deeply, acknowledging the pain and the fear beginning to manifest itself. Weakness was not something she could afford right now. Her time having run out, she looked around for something to bandage herself with, a scalpel or a knife with which she could open the stitches and remove whatever was inside but found nothing. She was beginning to doubt that she was even in a hospital at all. As she surveyed the room she noticed a small camera, a red light catching her eye. It wasn't even hidden, she was being watched.

Suddenly she heard a commotion outside her door, raised voices. Automatically her hand went for her gun, but of course they had confiscated it. She struggled to her feet, facing the door, her shredded suit hanging from her hips.

The door handle jiggled, then turned. Everett Ross Poked his head in with a smile. "Oh good you're awake!" He said, unphased by her wounds, "And I see you made quick work of the restraints, true to your reputation. Very impressive."

"Ross? What have you done? Why am I here?" Natasha said icily. " And what have you put in me?" She motioned to her stomach.

"Noticed that did you? You're very observant. It's a little bit controversial I'm afraid, but we agreed it was better to have real insurance of your cooperation rather than trust your signature on the Accords. It's a shame to include you in this business really, I told them you seem like a nice girl, much changed from where you were two years ago."

Natasha raised her eyebrows in disbelief and disgust, she couldn't remember a time when anyone had ever called her 'a nice girl.'

"You see my dear, we have been searching and searching for some leverage to use against our beloved Captain so that we can avoid further embarrassment stemming from the leader of the Avengers refusing to sign our Accords. Incentive you might say. Then just today, we intercepted some information that was profoundly interesting! Would you like to see?"

Holding out a phone to her, Natasha looked at the screen. It was a text message from Steve to Tony. "Find Natasha." It was dated that day, three hours from then. _Oh Steve what have you done?_

Natasha shrugged, "Is this supposed to mean something?"

"You don't find it odd that Captain Rogers gave up his only burner phone, and his location to Tony Stark, his current rival, even enemy, just to tell him to check up on you when he saw you were in trouble? I find that extremely noteworthy."

Natasha's eyes flickered to the camera. "Steve is a good friend Ross, but he has his boundaries. Don't fool yourself into thinking that there's any more to it. He left me behind remember?"

Ross's smugness flickered for a moment, but quickly recovered. "Well," he said smiling, "Let's test that theory shall we?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you so much for the reviews and the follows! Things start to get interesting from here. . .**

"Steve, someone's hacking into our Comms!" Bucky frantically adjusted dials and switches. "They're commandeering our screens."

Suddenly all the screens on the Quinjet went fuzzy, then broadcasted the same picture. Steve nearly choked when he saw it. Natasha, skin bare and striped with claw marks, bleeding. He was going to kill Black Panther. She stood defiantly before Everett Ross, her face pulled carefully blank. Ross spoke to her, but there was no audio, he was clearly pleased about something. Steve watched as Natasha suddenly looked right into the camera, straight at him. Almost imperceptibly, she shook her head no.

In the next instant Natasha was on the ground in a fetal position. Her face, usually so carefully guarded, was a mask of pure agony.

"Natasha!" Steve yelled at the camera as though she could hear him. The screen went blank except for a set of numbers at the center of the screen. Coordinates.

Bucky looked horrified. "I've seen that tech Steve. They are using Starks constrictor on her."

"What the hell is that?"

It's a device Howard Stark invented by accident. It causes catastrophic muscle contractions, your own muscles contract so hard they break bones. Steve, this is serious."

"How is he doing it? He didn't even touch her!" Steve quickly scribbled down the coordinates on a piece of paper. He paced the jet , hands balled into fists.

Bucky watched him cautiously, "They modified it since Howard invented it, made it smaller… Steve, they put in inside her…"

Steve's face paled. "Dear God, they can control the Black Widow." He slammed his fist against the wall, "Bucky, I have to go to her."

"You saw her Steve, she doesn't want you to. She knows they're using her to get to you!"

"They'll get a whole lot more of me then they expected. I can't leave her with them Bucky, it isn't right."

Bucky was quiet for a moment, then nodded. "No one should be forced to do what they don't want to," he said softly. "We will split up. I'll drop you at the coordinates and I'll continue our search. Steve, you know this is a trap right?"

"I'm looking forward to it."

* * *

Gasping for air, Natasha lay on the cold tile of her room, her arms wrapped around her middle. The pain was slowly fading, the rushing sound in her ears gradually easing. Ross looked down at her with a look of mock concern. "I'm sorry my dear, I know that's uncomfortable. And that was the lowest setting too! I'm told this setting simulates the pain of childbirth." He paused as though a thought had just occurred to him, "That's rather sweet really. Now you have experienced something that you couldn't have naturally." He smirked at her furious expression, all pretense of friendliness dropped. "I read the files. A woman like you shouldn't be having children anyway. Let's hope the Captain got our message so we don't need to continue."

"I signed your Accords..." she managed, accusation in her voice.

"Yes, the same Accords that say that you will submit to the nations who will decide what you are best used for. Well, flushing out Captain America and making him legitimate is currently the best use of the Black Widow."

Natasha made to move towards him, murder in her eyes, but Ross held up his hand to stop her, a controller in his grasp. "Make one more move toward me and we will kick it up a notch, see what this thing is capable of. I'll be sure to film it for our mutual friend."

Natasha froze. If this was what the government had in mind when they formed the Accords, then it was even more important that Steve remain free of them. She hoped he had gotten her message. But part of her knew with sinking certainty that Steve was on his way.

Ross smiled as though he could read her thoughts, "If Steve Rogers gives us any trouble when he gets here, we can ramp this baby up to ten! I'm not one hundred percent sure what it will do to you, but maybe we won't have to find out. It's a win win really, if Rogers folds, we have his signature, if not, we're rid of an untrustworthy, unreliable agent with lethal killing powers." He chuckled to himself and left, locking the door behind him.

Natasha stared at the closed door. How could she have been so stupid? No government in their right mind would want her on their team after what they knew about her. She had picked the wrong side, thrown her trust in Steve to the wind. And now either she would pay, or Steve would. She was determined not to let him sign. She was accustomed to pain, her tolerance for it unnaturally high. But if what Ross said was true, and he had only been using the low setting, her body would rip itself apart. And for what? Steve was coming, she knew he was, and she couldn't stop him.

Natasha painstakingly pushed herself into a sitting position. She needed a plan. She knew they would be watching her, she tried to keep her discomfort from her face but her limbs gave her away, she was trembling. She scowled at her traitorous body.

Ripping the sheet off the bed she folded it and began wrapping it around her body, her cuts bleeding again. She was beginning to feel light headed, she needed to get herself bandaged up. Pulling tightly, she knotted the sheet around her. Pulling herself on to the bed she fell against the pillow, exhausted.

Her abdomen ached. Was that really was childbirth felt like, she wondered. She would never know. Ross's words played in her head on repeat, "Unreliable… Untrustworthy...should never have children…" Blinking furiously she pushed the thoughts from her mind. She would deal with them later.

She shifted slightly, turning away from the camera. Peeling away part of her makeshift bandage, she looked at the stitches on her stomach. They had taken all of her weapons, even her most hidden knives. She huffed in frustration. The wound was tightly bound, she needed something sharp. She picked at the stitching, trying to break the thread. A sudden strong jolt of electricity brought her knees to her chin, shooting pain rolling through her middle. It stopped as suddenly as it started, leaving her gasping. A male voice came over the intercom, "Ms. Romanoff, please refrain from tampering with the insertion site. Thank you." The voice cut out with a click.


	5. Chapter 5

Tony Stark fought the terrible sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as he flew to the military base where Everett Ross was stationed. He knew Ross was the only one with the connections and tech enough to capture Natasha Romanoff, not to mention he had placed a tracker in Natasha's suit as soon as she had agreed to sign the Accords. He didn't trust that woman as far as he could throw her. Tony cringed, she would be livid when she found out. He wasn't sure what they wanted with Romanoff, but he knew it couldn't be good. She had signed the Accords, if they had wanted to speak to her all they needed to do was ask. The kidnapping coupled with Steve's text made him extremely uneasy.

"Friday, confirm Agent Romanoff's location."

"Natasha Romanoff is located on the western side of the base, 300 feet below ground level."

"Get me there."

"Yes sir."

The next few hours were hell for Natasha. As she paced the room, she discovered that the device in her stomach had been set up to respond to sensors placed around the space and to her own motion. Whenever she moved too quickly, or approached within even three feet of the door, she received a painful shock that dropped her to the floor, and often took several minutes to recover from. They were still using the low setting she assumed, the pain remained the same. Doggedly she persisted in searching for the rooms weak spot. No building was impenetrable. Another jolt made her knees buckle, but she caught herself on the edge of the bed before she hit the ground. She rested her head against it, panting. Her body was wearing down, the fibers of her muscles beginning to tear. She had to to stop and rest. Natasha had a sinking feeling that she was not going to be able to escape the room without help.

Natasha pulled herself onto the bed, slowly letting her body uncurl and lay flat. She closed her eyes, massaging her stomach and sides gingerly, letting her mind wander for a moment, thinking of Steve. She sincerely hoped that he wouldn't be baited by Ross and come for her, but she knew he would feel that it was his duty. Her only hope was that Bucky had forced his hand. If he didn't come, Ross would have no use for her, and no real power over Steve. Ross might keep her incarcerated, or he might kill her. Natasha didn't care. In her mind, her life was poor exchange for Steve's freedom and credibility. It was more than a fair trade, it was a debt paid. She owed Steve her life, he had saved her in the explosion in New Jersey, and he had made himself her friend. Finally she had a chance to have Steve's back, and she was viciously determined to do so.

Her abdominal muscles were protesting, simply lying on her back caused them to pull and ache. She rolled to her side, her back to the camera, tucking her knees towards her chin to ease them. It was the only position that was remotely comfortable, her core muscles felt like they had shrunk two sizes, after the last shock she could barely stand upright.

The claw marks on her body had scabbed, making motion even more difficult. She unknotted her makeshift bandage and let it fall off her, the fabric catching at her wounds. She hated for her captors to see her this way. It was weakness. She lay her head on the pillow, pressing her face into it so no one could see her grimace. She gritted her teeth and took as deep a breath as her constricted muscles would allow. She was exhausted.

As the guard watched on, Natasha fidgeted and stirred, then gradually fell still. He squinted at the screen. Was she breathing? Just as he was about to reach for his walkie to notify his boss, his world turned black.


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry the last chapter was so short! I make up for it here. It's time for some action! Thanks for your reviews!**

Steve Rogers dragged the unconscious guard into an adjacent room and locked him in. He turned to the screen he had been watching. Steve felt as if he had been punched in the gut. Natasha's torn back dominated the screen, but it was the deep purple bruises forming across her sides that made his vision turn red. Cuts would heal, but internal damage…

He quickly sat down at the computer, looking for a way to communicate with her. His forehead wrinkled in frustration, he was horrible at this stuff, but he had been learning. After a minute of poking around, he found an icon labelled "Constrictor 2.0" with several options beneath it. He switched a toggle labeled "sensors" to off. Then he noticed the automated lock system. He smiled to himself in triumph, hitting the button that unlocked Nat's cell door.

Natasha's eyes flew open at the sound of the door clicking unlocked. Steve watched her, willing her to understand that she needed to run. She sat up cautiously, looking first at the door. When no one appeared, she looked up at the camera, right into his eyes. He saw doubt on her face, he knew she was questioning his skills in technology, wondering if this was a trap. "Come on Nat, have a little faith," he muttered under his breath.

She stood carefully, flinching when she slipped off the bed, her body braced. Steve covered his mouth when he saw her, her stomach a rainbow of dark color. What had they been doing to her? When nothing happened, she made her way towards the door, twisting her torso gingerly back and forth in an effort to look casual. As she came within three feet, she braced herself for the pain. Again nothing. Nat looked again at the camera and gave a little smile before reaching for the handle and all but tearing it off as she flung open the unlocked door and booked it down the empty hallway. Steve punched the air in triumph. Now they just had to get out of this place. Steve wasn't sure exactly where Natasha had been held, but he felt certain it was nearby. He quickly got up and ran back the way he had come, stepping over fallen guards as he went.

Natasha ran blindly, struggling to suck air into her battered lungs. She had no memory of this place, all she knew was that this was her opportunity, and blind or not, she had to take it. She ducked behind a pillar as she heard a guard pass. No alarms had been set off when she left, Steve must have disabled them. She was impressed, but irritated that he was there at all. When the coast was clear she continued on, but she was not at all certain of where she was headed. Footsteps behind her brought her heart to her mouth, she couldn't be caught, without her, Ross had no sway over Steve. She was his power card. She had to stay out of his reach.

The footsteps grew louder, and Natasha's breath started to become ragged. She dodged into an open doorway, hiding in the shadows of the dark room. She waited, holding her breath, for the guard to pass. Instead, the footsteps became louder, then stopped nearby.

"Nat?" Steve whispered. "Are you here?"

Natasha let out her breath in relief. Steve's head whipped in her direction, and in a moment he was beside her, his hand on her face.

"Nat! Thank God. Are you ok? I saw you on the camera.." His eyes flickered down her torso and then quickly back to her face. Natasha shrugged him off.

"Steve you have got to get out of here. What in the hell are you thinking, putting yourself directly in harms way when you had a mission? Because it turns out you were right, no one should be signing those Accords, the men with the agendas always win, you can't sign them. If you do many of the other powered people who trust you will too. You don't know what the government will do with them." She faltered, "You don't know what they could do to you. No matter what happens today, do not sign those accords." She gripped his hand fiercely.

Steve looked at her in the dim light, covered in blood and bruises. She shifted uncomfortably, suddenly realizing she wasn't wearing a shirt. She crossed her arms over herself, watching as his face turned grim. He shook his head angrily. "I've no intention of signing. Let's get you out of here."

As Steve made to pick her up, Natasha backed away and placed her hand on his chest, keeping him at bay.

"Steve I will only slow you down. This is about the greater good, you need to get out of here. Now."

Steve looked at her incredulously, "You have got to be kidding me Nat. I'm not leaving without you. Besides you weigh nothing, you would hardly slow me down."

"This thing is still in me! They can still control me, and will, as soon as they figure out I'm gone! Leave me, I can figure a way out more easily on my own!"

Steve looked angry, fed up with her protests. He swatted her hand away and scooped her up into his arms easily, silencing her with a look. "Enough. Either we leave together, or not at all." Natasha's eyes burned angrily, But Steve didn't even flinch. As Natasha looked into his face, she mentally added another tally to her list of debts to Steve Rogers. Would she never stop owing this man?

At that moment alarms sounded all throughout the building. Natasha looked up at Steve, her green eyes wide. "Run." she whispered. Steve pulled her in tight, and obeyed. They tore down the hallway, Steve seeming to know where he was headed. They twisted and turned through hallway after hallway, Natasha bracing herself against the motion, her body aching. As they turned the final corner, they could see daylight just beyond the door just yards away.

At that moment, Natasha's body stiffened in Steve's arms, her back arching and then contracting tightly into a ball. Natasha clamped her hand reflexively over her mouth in an effort to withhold her scream, a coppery taste filling her mouth as she bit her tongue. Ross had dialed it up a notch.

Steve lost his grip on her, slowing to a stop to catch her before she fell. He looked up as he slowed, and there before him was Everett Ross, a small controller in his hand. He looked at Steve for a moment, a grim smile on his face, his thumb pressing down on the controller as Natasha shuddered on the floor at his feet, unable to breathe for the pressure on her lungs. He released the button, and Natasha gasped for air, her body releasing from the fetal position.

Ross stepped forward slightly, "I had really hoped to avoid causing further damage to Ms. Romanoff, but Captain, you leave me with no choice. Step away from her."

Steve snarled menacingly, "No. Ross she has nothing to do with this, this is between you and me."

Ross sighed, then hit the button again. Natasha's body contracted once more, and she struggled to remain silent, determined not to give Ross the satisfaction of hearing her scream. A small whimper escaped her despite her efforts. Steve stepped back immediately. "Alright enough! Leave her alone, Ross you'll kill her!"

Ross shrugged as he approached Natasha, kneeling down to stroke her hair, still pressing the controller. "Technically, you're the one killing her Cap." Natasha barely registered Ross's touch, her vision was darkening. As he released her she she took in a huge breath and regained consciousness. She wished she hadn't. She felt as if she was being compressed, her own muscle twisting her bones out of place. She could feel her skeleton bruising, buckling under the pressure. Sweat trickled down her face, pale now. She closed her eyes and focused on releasing the tension in her body.

"Nat are you ok?" The anxiety in Steves voice was palpable, but he dared not approach her. With a groan, Natasha pushed herself so she was lying on her back, Ross on one side, Steve on the other. She turned her head to look at Steve.

"Steve, don't do it." Her breathing rattled painfully, "Stand firm, don't let me die for no rea-" Ross sent another wave of pain her way, effectively cutting her off. She turned her face away so Steve wouldn't see it. She needed him to be strong.

"Captain, as lovely as that sentiment is, can you really leave her here to die just so you can avoid signing a simple document? This has all gotten a little out of hand. Just sign, show the world you're willing to cooperate with the government. It's really very simple."

Steve looked at Natasha in anguish, "Ross, you know I can't, especially not now that I've seen what you do to people who disagree with you. If I sign, innocent people will trust you. How do I know you won't use them as you've used her?"

Ross sighed, and fiddled with a dial on his controller. With sick dread, Natasha watched as he turned it up to ten.

"Steve, I am tired of asking you. I am telling you now, you will sign this document," he produced a paper and pen from a folder on a nearby table, "Or you will watch her own body rip her apart. It isn't pretty. Make one false move and she'll experience a realm of pain she's never felt before, and I would prefer that didn't happen." Soldiers suddenly appeared behind Ross, weapons trained on Steve.

Natasha looked at Steve, his fists clenched, his face a picture of torment. He looked at her, battered on the floor in front of him. She knew in that moment that he couldn't do it. He would sign just to avoid seeing her suffer. He looked back at her helplessly and shook his head. She sighed inwardly. She admired this trait about him, caring more for an individual than for an entire mission. But he was wrong, and he needed to be protected from his own good heart. She pushed herself up to a sitting position, a grimace on her face. She looked up at him and gave him a tired smile. "It's alright Steve, I've got red in my ledger, and now I get to wipe it out. Thank you for everything you've done for me."

Before Ross knew what was happening, Natasha launched herself at his face, one hand clawing his eyes, the other reaching for the controller. She landed a knee hard into his side before Ross's thumb came down hard on the button of the controller. Natasha had no choice, a scream finally tearing its way out of her mouth. The pain was blinding, like nothing she had ever felt before. She hit the ground hard, her body one solid mass as every muscle in her body began to rip itself in half. A sharp crack revealed that her ribs were breaking.

Suddenly, a door behind Ross flew off it's hinges, it was Tony Stark in the Iron Man suit. Tony took one look at Natasha and paled, sending a blast towards the soldiers, dispersing them. Steve was already in action, springing to Natasha's aid, sending Ross flying and knocking the controller hard against the wall where it shattered. Natasha's body went limp.

The soldiers were regrouping and firing on Tony and Steve."Get her out of here!" Tony yelled and flew off, drawing the soldiers after him. Steve skidded onto his knees beside her, "Nat? Oh God Nat look at me."

Steve turned her head in his hands, her eyes were unfocused. He smoothed back her hair, damp with sweat, "Nat honey, can you hear me?" Slowly, her eyes came into focus, "Steve?" she whispered.

Steve lifted Natasha quickly, wincing as she cried out. "I'm sorry Natasha, I have to get you out of here." She looked around in a panic until her eyes, wild and wide, found his face. "You're going to be ok." She gave a shuddering sigh and pressed her forehead into his chest as if to hide from the pain. He ran out the door into the daylight. The motion jolted her broken ribs, her vision darkening with each step as the pain pulled her under. As she slipped away, she realized she was feeling a new emotion. She struggled dimly to identify it, Steve's arms around her protectively, free from Ross and the Accords. The corners of her mouth twitched in the tiniest of smiles as darkness closed in and she realized, she felt at peace.

Looking around urgently, Steve spotted Tony's helicopter a little ways off, running and ready to fly. He ran to it and climbed in, Natasha cradled, unconscious, against him. Tony was close behind him, jabbing at the controllers on his wrist. The chopper lifted off, and Tony entered the open door mid air, slamming it shut behind him.

For a moment, Steve and Tony stared at each other, the sound of the chopper the only sound, tension filling the small space.

"Got your text." Tony said, his helmet falling back.

"I'm glad you came." Steve responded warily, Natasha still pressed protectively into his chest.

Tony pursed his lips, "So… it looks like there might be something to your argument against the Accords." He eyed Natasha.

Steve loosened his hold on her, allowing more of her broken body to come into view, his eyes burning blue. Tony stared at her silently, a slight twitch of his face the only thing that gave away what he was thinking.

"Friday, get us to the tower. Now."


	7. Chapter 7

When the helicopter touched down at the Avengers tower, Black Panther and a Wakandan woman raced to meet them. Steve, still carrying Natasha, pulled up short at the sight of him. T'Challa, seeing Steve's defensive stance put his hands up to calm him.

"I only want to help," he said, looking at Nat with concern.

"Help?" Steve said incredulously, "Do you see her? You _helped_ do this to her, why the HELL are you even here?"

"Language…" Tony muttered, unable to stop himself. Steve glared at him.

T'Challa stepped closer, "Please, I can explain it all, suffice it to say that I made a terrible error. This is Nanali, she is a highly skilled doctor from my country," he gestured to the stern looking woman next to him, her expression grim as she looked at Natasha. "Please, let her care for the Black Widow. She cannot wait any longer for medical attention."

Steve looked down into Natasha's face, it was nearly translucent, her lips utterly devoid of color. She breathed shallowly. Steve nodded to Nanali, "Take her, please help her." Nanali stepped in swiftly, gesturing for Steve to put her on the stretcher at her side.

"Carefully!" Nanali admonished as Steve set her down. He reached to brush her cheek but Nanali had swept her away. Steve watched her go with a sinking heart. He turned to face T'Challa. "Explain yourself."

T'Challa dipped his head, "I was mistaken about your friend Barnes, I followed him to Russia and discovered the true killer of my Father. I was consumed with vengeance, and it led me to actions that I regret. In the absence of Ms. Romanoff, I ask you for your pardon. I will do everything in my power to save her."

Steve stared at him, his face set like stone, "You better." He took off after Natasha at a run.

* * *

Steve sat for hours outside Natasha's door, listening to the urgent bustle of nurses as they worked to revive her. He was angry, angry that he hadn't protected her, and angry that she had taken matters into her own hands. There had to have been a way to avoid this, they would have found it, given a little more time. He pressed his head against the wall, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He listened to the buzz of voices in the room behind him, and pressed his face into his hands.

Nanali came out occasionally as she worked, and whenever she saw him waiting there her face darkened. She was a woman of very few words and a very strong will, Steve had soon found out. She refused to let him into where Natasha was being kept. After the third time she emerged from the room Steve sprang up from his position on the floor.

"Please, tell me how she is. Is she going to be alright?" Nanali frowned.

"Captain, it will be some time before we will know anything for certain. Go rest yourself, she will need you if she awakens."

"If?!"

Nanali took Steve by the shoulders, her grip surprisingly firm and steered him away from the door. "We are doing all we can. There is nothing for you to do but wait and pray. Ms. Romanoff is a fighter Captain, you must trust her to fight."

Steve glared down at the woman, his voice tense, "Ma'am, I am no stranger to violence and injury. I know that she has suffered a traumatic amount of damage. Tell me now, how extensive is it?"

Nanali hesitated, then appeared resigned, "She is bleeding internally, we are struggling to bring it under control. She has three broken ribs, but her lungs have not been punctured, which is miraculous. Her abdominal muscles are torn in three places. The bones and the muscle will heal with time, but the bleeding…" Nanali hesitated, then looked Steve in the eyes, "She's lost a lot of blood as it is, and the internal bleeding is only making things worse. We have to operate and find the source or we will lose her."

Steve paled. "What can I do? Please, give me a task."

"As it happens, you, Hawkeye and Ms. Romanoff share the same blood type, A positive. We do not have access to blood supply here with the Accords in play. A pint of blood is what we can safely take from you, it might be the difference between life and death."

"A pint? That's it? I saw how much she lost, she will need more than that!"

Nanali steered him into an adjoining room, "Captain, we have also requested blood from Agent Barton. We have enough on our hands without putting you at risk. We will take what we can from you. That is all." With that she left, giving a nod to a nurse on her way out.

Steve watched her go in irritation, but allowed the nurse to guide him to a chair and begin making preparations for drawing blood. Soon Hawkeye joined him, his face grave. They sat in silence. Steve watched the blood flow from his arm through the tube and into the bag. The tube rested against his arm, and it was warm to the touch. He prayed that that warmth would fill Natasha and pull her back into life. He prayed it would be enough. Flashes of the last 24 hours passed through his head as he stared at his arm.

The nurse sealed off Hawkeyes donation and rushed to get it to the doctor. Hawkeye got up from his chair, rolling out his arm and then stuffing his hands in his pockets. He looked at Steve, still watching his own blood flow.

"Steve." Steve didn't look up. "This isn't your fault. This is the Accords, and the stupid conflict it bred."

Steve frowned, "She gave herself up Barton. She knew she couldn't survive that device but she wouldn't let me be forced to sign. I would have signed before I let her die." He looked at Barton suddenly, "I would have signed."

Barton put a hand on Steve's shoulder, "She knew that Steve. She knows you. To her, you are the symbol of everything good, everything worth fighting for in the world." Steve snorted, but quieted at a look from Barton. "With the KGB and then Hydra. . . She truly believes she's a monster Steve, that no matter how much good she does here and there it won't be enough to atone. If she had let you sign to save her… She would have been allowing the embodiment of goodness to be controlled by the darkness of a corrupt government. Steve, you are more than a man to her, more than just a friend or leader, you were her redemption. Don't be angry with her for seizing the opportunity to wipe out the darkness of her past."

Steve stared at him, silent. Barton gave his shoulder a squeeze, then left the room. As the nurse sealed off the bag on his arm, a commotion broke out in the hallway. Nurses scurried in and out of Natasha's room, hospital equipment beeping. Taking Steve's donated blood, the nurse ran to see what was going on. She returned a moment later, apprehensive as she approached Steve.

"There has been… a complication."

Steve leapt to his feet, "What's happened?"

The nurse hesitated and looked at her feet, "The surgery was successful, they found the source of her bleeding, but in the process the Widow has fallen into a coma… She lost so much blood so quickly, and she needs more…"

Steve sat down in the chair, his expression blank. "Take more from me then."

"You need time to recover before I can-"

"TAKE. MORE. We don't have time for this. I will recover just fine."

The nurse glanced back at Natasha's room which was still full of commotion, then nodded and began to prepare.


	8. Chapter 8

Tony Stark made his way down the hallway towards the medical wing, his hands shoved deep in his pockets, his expression livid. He had just gotten off the phone with the Pentagon who had responded with utter silence after he had explained, with much shouting and a level of profanity that was shocking even to him, Ross's actions against Natasha Romanoff and Steve Rogers. Their silence had unnerved him, and the following claims of ignorance didn't sit well. They had known. Natasha had pissed them off with her speech on Capitol hill, and they needed Steve Rogers to sign the Accords if they were going to ultimately succeed. Steve was too beloved by the people to have killed, but Romanoff… The entire world knew of her misdeeds.

Tony suddenly punched a wall. He had been such an idiot, trusting the government with the collective power of the Avengers. His guilt had blinded him, and now Natasha was in a coma, perhaps never to waken. Her very actions proving that she was worthy of the team. More worthy than Tony himself.

"Friday, engage security protocol number 528."

"Right away sir, do you have the password?"

"Armor lock."

"Thank you."

"Friday, no one gets in without my say so. Full retinal and DNA scans, the works. You understand?"

"Naturally sir."

As he turned the final corner Steve was sitting, his back pressed against the wall outside Natasha's door. He was pale, and Tony had never seen him look so tired. Tony sighed, and went over to him, sliding down the wall until he was seated beside him.

"Have you seen her yet?" Tony asked, staring straight ahead. Steve shook his head, the only acknowledgment so far that he had even seen Stark. Tony was silent for a moment.

"Steve I-"

"Don't trouble yourself Tony. You did what you had to do."

Tony bit back his irritation. Apologizing was hard enough without being interrupted.

"It's more than just apologies Steve. I spoke with the Pentagon. They deny any knowledge of Ross's actions but we both know that's shit." For once Steve didn't even react, only nodded. Tony continued, "They say they have Ross in custody, which means nothing if they gave him the go ahead for his plan. I've locked down the tower, we have time on our side, no one is getting in here. But Steve, we need a plan."

Steve ran his fingers through his hair, his tactical mind beginning to turn. "We can't outgun them."

Tony snorted, "We can." Steve shook his head tiredly, "What I mean to say is we shouldn't outgun them. We will end up turning the public against us, not to mention causing a lot of damage. We need to do this in the way that reveals the truth, and keeps innocent people safe."

Tony shook his head slightly, "Steve, they literally crushed Romanoff, our friend, just so they could get to you. These people don't fight fair. We can't afford to tread lightly."

Steve looked at Tony, his blue eyes suddenly bright, "I didn't say we would fight fair. The government is corrupt, it used blackmail to try to force my hand and possibly killed a woman-" he swallowed hard, "just to get their way. Who's next? What we need is a complete overthrow of the government, new leaders who will do what the people want."

Tony barely bit back his irritation, standing and facing Steve incredulously, "Rogers, newsflash, the will of the people is to see us reigned in by the very government who we are up against. The American government is one of the most powerful entities in the world! What would you have us do?"

Steve smiled a tired smile, "Show the people the truth." Tony threw his hands up and began to pace. Steve continued, "I've had a lot of catching up to do since I came out of the ice, but I think I've grasped the power of the internet. Tony, let's show the people the truth. The video feed from Natasha's cell was recording. Show them what happened."

Tony stopped pacing and looked thoughtful. "My suit records video too, I caught Natasha's little Christ act, and Ross with the controller." He paced a moment more, "I have audio of Ross threatening you from when I was listening in behind the door."

Steve nodded, "Make a compelling political ad Tony, and post it to every social media outlet you can think of. We will see who's in power after that. The people will revolt. It will be the last straw after all they've been through."

"I can do more than flood social media, I'm hacking into satellites, this is about to become breaking news."

At that moment, the door to Natasha's room opened and Nanali stepped out. She looked at Steve, "It might do her good to hear your voice now." Steve leapt to his feet. He looked at Tony, who was staring wide eyed past Nanali, his gaze resting on Natasha, unconscious in the bed beyond the door. Tony's eyes flickered to Steve, who nodded with resolve. Tony turned on his heel, his suit enveloping him as he flew off to steal Natasha's recordings.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you so much for your support! Small caveat: I have had to write more medical type descriptions than I actually know about, so if you happen to be in the medical field and you read these coming chapters and laugh because they are so inaccurate, it wont hurt my feelings if you correct me. I would welcome the input! I hope you continue to enjoy!**

Steve hesitated at Natasha's doorway. He looked between Nanali and Natasha, "What do I do?"

Nanali put her hand on Steve's arm reassuringly. "Let her hear your voice. She is in this position because she thought you were worth protecting Captain, let her know she was successful. Let me know if there are any changes." With that she walked off down the hall, leaving Steve alone with Natasha.

He walked into her room, suddenly uncertain despite how persistently he had tried to gain entrance to see her. Natasha was tucked under blankets, a pillow beneath her head. She would have looked like she was sleeping, were it not for how pale she was, and the IV putting blood back into her body. Her bare shoulder revealed the tip of one of her wounds which was now stitched closed. He glanced up at the bag providing Natasha with blood she had lost. "Rogers, Steve" was scrawled across it. The bag was almost gone.

Steve took Natasha's hand in his. It was so small. With her eyes closed and her small frame utterly still she looked so vulnerable. Steve stared at her, pondering that idea. He had never thought of her as vulnerable before.

He squeezed her hand, "Nat, I don't know if you can hear me but… I need you to fight through this." He paused and rubbed his forehead, trying to find the words. "I trusted you before all this. Even though we disagreed, even though we were on opposite teams. I told you once that I trusted you to be the one to save my life when it was on the line, and I meant it. But I didn't think it would ever come to that Nat. Now it has and…" he paused frustrated. "I really need people around me that I can trust. I need you not to go out in a blaze of selfless glory just because you feel like it's your duty to do so to make up for your past. I've lost too many friends already. You need to wake up."

Steve looked at her for a moment, then pulled up a chair and sat at the edge of her bed, "Barton says you think I'm some sort of… I don't know.. emblem of good or something. But this is the truth. I'm just a man that the super serum lent strength to. I get lonely, I need my friends around me, and those people are far and few between. I need you with me Nat. I want you with me. Please fight!"

Steve anxiously watched Natasha's face for any sign that she had heard him, but she remained motionless. He wrapped her hand in both of his, resting his forehead on top. His mind was dull with grief, he was exhausted, the lack of blood in his own body making him more tired than usual.

"Natasha," he whispered, "Please stay with me. Don't become another name on the list of people I've lost." Steve stood then and leaned over her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. Her skin felt cool under his lips. As he sat down a wave of exhaustion overcame him. Draping his arm over her knees, he put his head down, one hand still holding hers as he fell asleep.

Deep in Natasha's veins, a change began to take place. Soon every cell in her body was thrumming with energy and motion on a molecular level….

"Vision, are you receiving these?" Tony's voice came through Visions earpiece.

"I am, they are uploading as we speak. Good work sir." Vision focused intently on the screen before him as footage from Natasha's capture began to pop up on the screen. He grimaced as he saw them, playing in thumbnails on the master screen. With a twitch of his fingers he selected one and threw it to the big screen for the others to see.

Wanda, Bucky, and Falcon cringed as Natasha crumpled under the force of the Constrictor. Clint stood abruptly and began to pace, looking from the screen to the ground with a scowl. He looked over at T'Challa, who was watching the screen as though witnessing every detail was some sort of penance.

"You are part of why they caught her, T'Challa." Clint glared at the Black Panther, arms itching to swing at him. T'Challa dropped his arms to his side, palms up.

"You are right Clint. If it would make you feel better to strike me, I would not blame you."

Vision, without looking up from his work cut in, "I think we've had quite enough conflict between brothers don't you?" Clint looked at T'Challa, breathing purposefully through his nose. T'Challa met his gaze, his expression sorrowful. Clint sat back down.

"I can't believe they did this.." Wanda said into her hand, her eyes wide as she watched. Vision threw another clip onto the screen, Ross standing above Natasha who struggled to breath. Her body covered in purple bruises. When Natasha screamed, Wanda gasped and dropped her gaze.

"Believe it my dear. Human beings are capable of great cruelty." Visions eyes were glazed with unshed tears. Tony's voice spoke again, Vision turned it up loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Vision, I want you to format these clips along with the ones you can pull from my suit to create a video that will pull the heartstrings of America. Highlight Natasha's sacrifice, compare it to all of our sacrifices that we've made over the years in defense of the innocent. I want a close up on Steve's grief, Natasha's pain, Ross's cruelty. It is imperative that this works. After we air this, I want there to be not one American left on the side of the government. It's time to show them the price we pay for our service to them."

Vision nodded, his face grim. "I will begin immediately. There is a science behind emotion, I will see what I can tap into."

"I knew you would." Gunfire sounded from wherever Tony was, "Gotta go! Be back soon." His voice faded out with a click.

"I think that's quite enough for one sitting," Vision said, noting everyone's stricken expressions. He switched the feed off. The team looked at each other in silence. Finally Bucky stepped forward, addressing T'Challa, "If this is going to work, there can be no incident that causes the public to doubt our honesty. I can't even trust my own mind. T'Challa, I need you to put me back under."

T'Challa looked at him solemnly, then looked around at the group. "We are a team now are we not? I believe the decision should be everyone's." Wanda looked at Bucky with concern, "For how long? Steve needs his friends right now…"

"He doesn't need them spying on the inner workings of his team and trying to kill him," Bucky retorted.

"Can this even be done?" Vision looked to T'Challa, who nodded.

"I can put him under and transport him to a safe location where my scientists can begin to research a way to free him of his Hydra tech."

"That's what I want." Bucky said firmly.

"I think that might be best," Falcon said cautiously. The rest of them nodded. T'Challa looked around and then spoke to Bucky, "I will begin the necessary preparations." He left the room.

Bucky sighed, "I'll break it to Steve."


	10. Chapter 10

Bucky walked determinedly into the hospital wing, prepared for Steve to protest his decision. This was what Bucky could do to make everyone safe, and after watching the video's of Natasha, he was determined to make the selfless choice. As he approached Natasha's room he peeked in through the window, what he saw made him pause. Steve was asleep across Natasha's knees, holding her hand. They were both so still and pale that for a moment Bucky thought they had both died. Only the slight rise and fall of their chests comforted him. Bucky watched for a moment, taken in by the scene before him, then looked at the ground. Why was it always Steve's luck that the women he loved died before he could even take the first step in a relationship? Bucky's heart ached for his friend.

Suddenly, Natasha seized, her body jolting as though she were being shocked with electricity. Steve leapt up, immediately awake and alert. Bucky ran into the room, "What's happening to her?!"

"Doctor!" Steve yelled in a panic. Nanali came running into the room only moments later, ushering Steve and Bucky back so she had space to work. Steve looked at Bucky, his eyes bright with moisture and panic, "I'm gonna lose her Buck."

Bucky grasped Steve's shoulders, certain Steve was right but unwilling to say so, "Don't lose hope yet Steve." As suddenly as her convulsions began they stopped. Nanali took Natasha's vitals, the heart monitor slowly returning to a resting pace. Her eyes remained closed, a sheen of sweat rested on her brow, her bedsheets and hair mussed. Nanali turned to Steve, "This is unexpected, I need to run some tests. Stay here with her please, I will send for the nurses." Steve seized Nanali by the shoulders roughly, "Did you, or did you not, remove the constrictor from Natasha. That looked an awful lot like what Ross did to her." Bucky quickly pulled Steve back, "Steve, she's on our side remember?" Steve let go of Nanali slowly.

Nanali scowled up at him, "Of course I did, the device was sent to the labs at Mr. Starks request." Going over to Natasha she pulled the blankets from her and lifted a small bandage above her bellybutton, "Satisfied?" Steve looked closely, the stitches were new, the wound clean. He nodded, embarrassed. "What just happened to her then?" Nanali shook her head, "I don't know, I need to do a blood test. Now please, wait here with her until I get back."

As Nanali left, Steve began to tend to Natasha. He covered her back up with covers, and straightened out her bed. With a cloth he found on the table near her bed, he wiped away the sweat from her forehead tenderly. Bucky watched, uncomfortable and uncertain as to how to broach the topic of his departure. He cleared his throat, but Steve didn't notice. Finally Bucky broke down and blurted it out..

"Steve, I know this is a terrible time to tell you, but I came in here because I need to say goodbye for a while." Steve turned to face him. "What do you mean?

Bucky shifted uncomfortably, "This plan of yours, to tell the public the truth, it's a good one. You can't afford any more mishaps stemming from the Avengers tower. I need to be taken in and put back under for everyone's safety." Steve looked outraged and began to protest, but Bucky cut him off, "I can't be trusted Steve! And after what Natasha did, I feel like going back to sleep is the least I can do, just until we figure out how to get rid of the Hydra tech in my head."

Steve looked at Bucky sadly, realizing he was right but refusing to admit it. He massaged his temples, "Bucky, I feel like I'm losing everyone I care about, I need you here." Bucky shook his head. "You have an entire team who has your back. You haven't been out there much because you been in here, but Steve, Natasha has brought your team together again, more than Coulson did I would say. They are giving you your space, but let them know you need them and they will be here. I am not your only friend, you need to remember that."

Steve looked at Bucky, feeling hollow, "When will you go?"

"As soon as T'Challa is ready."

"And you feel good about trusting him?"

"He was going to let Clint slug him in the face. He feels terrible about fighting Natasha. You can't blame him for fighting for his family." Steve looked at the stitches on Natasha's skin. He frowned, "I think I will always blame him, but I believe he thought he was doing the right thing. I think he will do his best to help you." He hesitated, "Buck, I'm gonna miss you."

Bucky smiled, "I'll be back soon." He wrapped Steve in a hug, then started to walk out the door. He paused in the doorway, looking at Natasha. "Steve," he started hesitantly, "When she wakes up, don't waste any more time. Tell her how you feel." With that he walked out the door without looking back. Steve watched him go, his face thoughtful.

* * *

"This is extraordinary.." Nanali breathed into the microscope. "What?" Steve strained to see what she saw as she gazed at a sample of Natasha's blood on the slide.

"Her DNA is completely transformed. That's not how blood transfusions work…" Her brow furrowed in concentration.

Steve shifted impatiently, "What does this mean? What happened?"

Nanali looked up at him, "Natasha's blood levels were critical when we gave her the transfusion. Normally the human body assimilates the blood until it can make more of it's own, which is what happened with Agent Barton's donation. But when we gave her yours…" She paused in wonder, "Her body has latched on to your DNA, and it has changed the structure of her own to be very similar to yours."

Steve stared at her, "We have matching DNA…"

"No not quite, her own DNA is still there, only there has been an addition. I can only attribute this to the super serum. I have never seen cells behave this way. They are repairing and protecting her body..."

"What does this mean for her health? Can her body handle this transformation?" Steve suddenly had flashbacks of his own transformation, it had been a grueling process.

Nanali looked at him cautiously, "I have no idea, only that on a molecular level the serum seems to be a good thing. I am waiting on the results of some more tests."

As she spoke, a nurse brought in a file, "Doctor, you're going to want to see these." Nanali took the file that was handed to her, "These are the results of the X Rays and the MRI scan we just put her through."

Nanali slid the X rays out of the folder and looked at them, her expression blank. Steve peered over her shoulder. "What am I looking at?" Nanali inquired, confused.

"Those are her X Rays…"

"From just now?"

"Yes Ma'am."

Steve looked at the X Ray, suddenly realizing what was wrong, "Her bones.." he whispered, "They're not broken anymore…"

Nanali was silent a moment more before she began to closely analyse the information, "They show signs of having been broken, you can see here the place where her ribs snapped. It would seem she is healing at a remarkable, impossible rate…" Nanali pulled out the MRI results and studied them, her eyes becoming wider every moment. "Her muscles are healing too…"

Steve sat down heavily, "My blood, it's healing her… She's going to wake up." Suddenly he leaped from his chair and out the door towards Natasha's room before Nanali could caution him against being too hasty.

Nanali looked at her nurse, her expression worried, "All this won't make any difference if that girl doesn't want to wake up…"


	11. Chapter 11

Natasha drifted on a river of painkillers, content to remain suspended until her end came. Vaguely she was aware that her last action had been in the service of someone she loved. The thought made her warm. Her life had not been for nothing. Here in her cocoon of sleep, she was safe from any future mistakes that might wipe away the goodness of her final act.

Gradually, the drugs in her system began to thin, and the pain returned although much less than before. It made her mind become clearer with each passing hour, but Natasha did not awaken. Her mind instead took her on a journey through her life, watching, as though she were in a theatre, how each event played out. She saw herself as a child, groomed and raised by the KGB Red Room. She watched as they beat the honesty out of her, and taught her that love of any kind would ultimately lead to suffering. She saw the fear, and then the hardness in her eyes as a teenager, making her first kill. She stretched her arms out to her younger self, desperately longing to wipe away her tears and fold her in her arms to tell her that she was being lied to. There was good in the world, and it was worth fighting for. She cried as she relived her sterilization, watching in horror as the procedure took place; the final step in her transformation from an innocent, into a cold-hearted killer. It felt like only yesterday.

 _A woman like you should never have children…_

The vision changed, she was a fully grown woman, an assassin, a murderer. Her heart was hard, and she obeyed orders without question. She became close with people, manipulated the feelings that her pretty face inspired, only to betray them for the cause. She felt nothing, she was nothing, only a servant of mother Russia. No, she thought to herself, she had felt emotions. She had become close with her victims at times, but those feelings were never fully acknowledged. They reared their ugly heads only after she had betrayed them. Each betrayal, each lie, carved out a hole in her chest that made her feel hollow, less than human. And she was.

 _Dangerous woman, not to be trusted…_

Natasha began to feel uncomfortable, bordering on fearful. In her suspended state, she could not find the will to push away these feelings and memories. She had no choice but to feel them. As her head cleared, she began to become more and more afraid. The majority of her life had been in the service of liars and murderers. Even the most recent stage of her life in service of Shield had turned out to be work for Hydra. What did that make her? She longed for her stupor to return, longed for that elusive peace. Sweat began to break out on her brow, she was trapped in her own mind, no longer able to remember why it was she had felt peace such a short time ago. Her heart rate began to rise as anxiety attacked her.

Suddenly she was aware of something cool on her forehead, and a deep voice murmuring in her ear. It was indistinct, the words merged together, but there was something familiar about it. She clung to it, for it was the only thing in her reality that wasn't causing her pain. Gradually she calmed, focusing as best she could on the sound.

"It's likely she can hear you now Captain," Nanali murmured.

Steve took Natasha's hand, "Nat? Nat can you hear me?" Natasha remained still. Her face had more color now, and Nanali had removed the now unnecessary bandages. The wounds inflicted by Black Panther had healed into shiny pink marks that faded further every hour.

"Why doesn't she wake? She is so much better.." Steve turned a questioning gaze on Nanali.

Nanali hesitated, "Sometimes coming back to reality is harder than letting it go Captain," her voice was tainted with sadness that made Steve wonder briefly what her story was.

A timid knock at the door made him turn. Wanda stood in the doorway, "I was wondering if I might visit her for a moment?' Steve nodded, surprised.

"We all would like to see her. . ." came Vision's voice as the team appeared together in the doorway. Steve looked at them all, taking in the sight of the team restored to it's previous unity. He smiled, then leaned to whisper in Natasha's ear, "You have visitors."

Wanda stood near Natasha's bed, a strange look on her face. "What is it Wanda?" Steve asked. Wanda glanced up at him quickly, as though he had scolded her. She hesitated, "It's just that… with my powers I can see into her head. I know I shouldn't have, I'm sorry. I was curious to see if there was any activity." Wanda's forehead creased in worry.

"Wanda, what did you see?"

Wanda looked at him seriously, "Darkness. She is caught up in memories of her past. They torment her. I fear she is losing herself."

Tony stepped forward, "Can she hear us?" Wanda concentrated, then nodded, "It's somewhat indistinct."

Tony walked to Natasha's bedside and looked down at her for a moment, fidgeting from foot to foot. Finally he spoke, "I never trusted you Romanoff, but you proved yourself to us all with your actions. I want you to know that I'm going to tell the world about what you did, and do my best to make you a hero in the eyes of the public. So wake up and enjoy it." With that he quickly squeezed her hand and walked out of the room. Everyone watched him go, shocked to hear such a passionate speech from Tony Stark. It was silent for a moment.

Vision stepped forward to Natasha's bedside, "Natasha, you are truly invaluable to this team." He paused for a moment, uncertain of how to continue. He looked down at her, adjusting her blankets as he considered her. "There is no one quite like you on this Earth I think. Your determination and willingness to do what needs to be done make you someone we all can rely on. Please come back to us." He gazed at her still form for a moment, then turned. Seeing T'Challa, Vision placed a hand on his arm, as though sensing that he needed encouragement. Giving him a nod and a smile, he materialized through the wall.

T'Challa kept his distance, going only to the foot of Natasha's bed as though afraid he might startle her. "Ms. Romanoff, I want to ask for forgiveness for my actions against you. They were motivated by revenge and beneath me. My blindness caused you to suffer, and I can't tell you how sorry I am." He paused, gripping the rail of her bed, "We watched the video of your sacrifice, and Ms. Romanoff, I must say, I want you on this team. You demonstrated a level of selflessness that I can only strive to emulate." He gave a small bow, then left the room. Wanda and Clint looked at each other, then Wanda stepped forward, straightening a piece of Natasha's hair that had gone astray before she bent low and whispered, "Please come back Natasha, I don't want to be the only girl here.." Clint came and stood next to Wanda, placing a kiss of Natasha's forehead. "My kids need their Aunt Nat," he said simply. "Pull through this for them, for all of us." Unable to bear seeing her so still, he gave Steve an apologetic look and left the room.

Steve looked at Wanda, "Did any of that help her?"

Wanda placed her hand on Natasha's forehead, her fingers glowing red. "She feels calmer, but I am sensing doubt still." Steve shook his head, "I've already told her what I feel, I've begged her to come back. I don't know what else to do."

Wanda looked at him thoughtfully, "Sometimes words aren't enough. You have to experience it." She took his hand and pulled him closer to Natasha and herself. "Let me try something." Steve stared at her, confused.

"I want you to think about Natasha, and only Natasha. Think about what it's like to partner with her, what you like about her, and how she makes you feel. I think... " she paused, "I think I can show her what you're feeling." Steve stared at Wanda, about to protest when a wave of exhaustion came over him. What could it hurt? He close his eyes and thought of Natasha.

Wanda placed her hand on his chest above his heart, then leaned over Natasha and whispered, "I know you can hear me. If you can't believe us, then let me show you what you mean to Steve Rogers." Gently, she placed her other hand on Natasha's chest, and the room began to glow red.


	12. Chapter 12

**Guys, your reviews make my day! Some of you have been so complimentary, it means a lot. I am so glad you are enjoying this story! Here's the next chapter!**

Wanda's power snaked through Natasha's chest, quelling her anxiety immediately. It drifted to her head without invading her thoughts, Wanda's attempt to be polite. "Natasha," Wanda's voice echoed distantly, "Steve would like to show you something. If you will open your mind to me, I will show it to you."

Steve? Natasha's mind raced, she knew a Steve didn't she? Wanda sensed her pause, "If you do not wish it, I will not force you." Wanda began to withdraw, "No!" Natasha's thought echoed in Wanda's mind. "Show me." Wanda reached out with her power and touched Natasha's mind, then did the same with Steve.

"She is listening." Steve hesitated, "Will you hear what I say?" Wanda shook her head, "I will detach as soon as I know it's working. Don't try to use words Steve, in her state, she will understand feelings better."

Steve furrowed his brow, feelings? He wasn't sure what to do. He looked at Natasha, so beautiful but so still, and an ache filled his chest.

"That's perfect, I'm detaching now." Steve looked at her confused, what was perfect? Suddenly he felt a small tug on his mind, shy, but letting her presence be known. "Natasha?" He felt rather than heard her confirmation.

"Natasha please wake up, I don't want to lose you." There was no response, a feeling of confusion that was not his own filled him. She did not understand his words. He paused, gathering his thoughts, then tried again. He thought about Bucky, and imagined him falling to his death on the train. He had never been the same. He thought about Peggy, wasting away in that hospital room, he thought of her funeral so recently held. His deep sorrow and loneliness in a time that wasn't his own. He felt the heaviness in his chest, and he knew Natasha could feel it too. Then he thought of her, of her dry humor and how she made him laugh. He remembered her asking him if he trusted her, and let her feel the certainty he had felt in that moment. The weight of his sadness lessened, and Steve tried to make her understand that it was due to her, her friendship, her loyalty, who she was as a person.

Suddenly Steve was filled with a huge stab of doubt and then anger, and images that were not his own filled his head. They were from Natasha's perspective, her murdering people, the Red Room training. They flashed through his mind rapidly as memory after memory flooded through her into him. He felt her despair acutely. With a force of will he stopped her. Pulling up a memory, he opened his thoughts to her. He showed her the day he had learned about her past, the day he had read the files she had dropped on the internet. It had not changed his opinion of her. He pulled up another memory, more recent, Natasha lying broken on the ground rather than let him sign the Sokovia Accords. He lifted the memory before her as if to say, "This is not the same person." Natasha was silent.

Steve let the silence between them stretch for a moment, then he cautiously, nervously, pulled up another memory. He was in the mall, nerves stretched thin, riding down a crowded escalator with Natasha. Suddenly she had turned and looked into his face. Steve let her feel what he had felt, his breath caught in his chest at her closeness, at her beauty. She kissed him, and his whole body tingled with heat, his chest filled with fire. Steve let the memory fade, embarrassed.

Natasha kept to herself for a moment, but Steve could feel a slow warmth flow through her. Steve let his mind move into Natasha's veins, his blood flowing there, her changed DNA. He pictured her wounds, shiny pink and healed. "You have more to do here," Steve thought at her fiercely. Suddenly the connection was broken.

Wanda gasped and rubbed her head, "I'm sorry Steve, that's all I can sustain. I hope you said what you wanted to say."

Steve sat down hard, "I did, almost . I just hope she heard me." Wanda put a hand on his shoulder, "It's truly up to her now."

Tony appeared in the doorway, "Steve, I need you to come look at our promo, it's rough but the basic content is there. We need this to work. They won't let us hide in here forever."

Steve looked at Natasha anxiously as Nanali stepped back into the room.

"Go," she said, "I will call you if anything changes."

Steve nodded, and left with Tony and Wanda to fine tune their last line of defense, the will of the people.


	13. Chapter 13

**As always, your kind words make writing a pleasure! I suspect this is the chapter many of you have been waiting for. I continue to look forward to hearing your thoughts!**

"Alright Steve, that should do it." Tony muttered mostly to himself as he edited the last of Steve's voice over. Sam looked at Steve from the couch where he was sitting, his arms crossed over his chest, "Seriously, did you write that out first? Or do you just practice these in your head on your down time? I've never seen anyone pull out a motivating speech out of nowhere like you can."

Steve shrugged, "I just know what I want to say." Sam shook his head.

"Alright kids, movie time," Tony called out, and the Avengers team gathered in the common area to review the video. With a swipe of his finger, Tony sent the video to the big screen and hit play.

It opened with a shot of Steve, addressing the audience.

"My fellow Americans, I know things have been confusing lately regarding the Accords and the Avengers, and that each of you has your own opinion on the matter. I am addressing you today because I have information for you that the government has been keeping a secret, and I think it might make a difference for you. It is information that you deserve to know."

The camera faded off Steve's face and panned across a shot of the Avengers team, reunited, standing shoulder to shoulder, faces grim. Particular emphasis was placed on Steve and Tony, standing amicably side by side.

"I want you to know that my team and I have no wish to be in conflict with the American government. But once you have seen what I have to show you, I think you will understand why we are, and how the government managed to split us up. I want to tell you the story of what brought us back together."

The image shifted to an image of Black Panther lying unconscious on the ground, a few paces away, a pool of blood. T'Challa scowled, "I should have seen that coming." Sam rolled his eyes, "Dude, it was a dart…"

"Two days ago, Natasha Romanoff, also know as The Black Widow was drugged and captured by the US government under the authority of Senator Everett Ross. As you know, Ms. Romanoff willingly signed the Accords, which afforded her rights within the law. Ross captured her in an effort to blackmail me into signing the Accords despite this."

As Steve watched, the image shifted to a mall scene, a couple kissing on the escalator. It was Natasha and him. He suddenly sat bolt upright, "Tony?! Where did you get that?! Why the hell is it on this video?!"

Tony hit pause and put his hands up innocently. "Malls have security cameras Steve. Wasn't anyone a little bit curious as to why Ross decided Romanoff was the best blackmail for Rogers?" He looked around, "I was. The public will be too. Better to leave no question unanswered Cap." He smirked.

Steve glared at him and glanced around, everyone was trying to hide a smile. "I want it edited out, it's not relevant and takes away from the story we are trying to tell." Tony shrugged and started up the video again. Words flashed onto the screen:

"Caution, the following images are graphic."

The scene changed to a wordless timeline of footage from Natasha's imprisonment. The team watched as Natasha's attempts at escape set off the constrictor, dropping her to the floor again and again; she got up more slowly after each attempt. They saw Ross threatening her, laughing as she fell. Security cameras provided shots of Steve breaking her out, of him carrying her as they ran for the door. As Steve watched himself carry her, pressed against his chest, he realized how obvious their friendship was. Everyone could see that he cared about Natasha, why had it taken him so long to see it?

Finally the screen showed Natasha on the ground between Ross and Steve, and audio of Ross's voice played over it hauntingly, "I am done asking you Rogers, sign the Accords or she will experience a level of pain she has never felt before." A flicker of fear was visible on Natasha's face before she sat up, clearly resolved. A shot of her sad smile at Steve before she lunged at Ross made Steve drop his gaze. He knew what came next. The volume seemed to spike, and audio of Natasha's ribs cracking and her accompanying scream brought severe reactions from the team.

Clint stood as if to help her, but instead he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, making it stand on end. T'Challa leaned his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands as Wanda closed her eyes, a tear squeezing out to roll down her cheek. Sam took one look at Steve's face and yelled to Tony, "Alright turn it off!" Tony hit pause, stopping a slow pan that covered the bruises on her sides, and a close up of her face, twisted in agony.

Steve was shaking his head, his face ashen, fists balled up. Sam looked at Tony and Vision accusingly, "This is too much. We can't post this, it's too personal. We can't show people Natasha at her weakest, what would that say?" Tony looked incredulous, "We don't have a choice! People need to know the extent that these people are willing to go to, to get what they want!" Sam started to argue, but Steve cut him off, "Tony's right."

Silence dominated the room. Tony looked bewildered, "Has Hell frozen over?" Steve ignored him and looked around, meeting everyone's eyes, "This is a terrible, unspeakable crime against Nat, against our team, our family. But to keep it to ourselves is a betrayal of her sacrifice. People should know. They should look at her face, her bruises and fear for their loved one's safety, because the truth is, they're in danger." He looked at the screen, still frozen on Natasha's pain stricken face, "She was willing to die to keep this team safe. That isn't weakness. What you see on that screen is strength. No matter how hard it is to watch, we have to honor that the world what she did is the best way to do that." For a moment, everyone looked at the screen, taking in what they saw.

A voice from behind him caused Steve's heart to stop, "Not really a good look on me is it?"

Everyone froze, and Steve whipped around. Natasha stood before him, looking tired, but awake. He was speechless, his eyes roamed over her as if to be sure he was seeing things correctly. She was in a pair of baggy sweatpants and a big T-shirt, her hair pulled back in a messy bun. Her face was pale, but not dangerously so. She looked at her image on the screen, then looked at Tony, "Turn it off," she said, her voice low. Tony quickly shut the video off and walked up to her. Suddenly uncertain what to do, he put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it, "Thought you were gonna sleep forever. Slacker." Nat rolled her eyes, but gave him a smile. Clint pushed Tony aside and wrapped her in a desperate hug. Natasha hugged him back. Clint pulled away to look at her, his expression suddenly guilty. Her eyes widened, "Clint you didn't…"

"I had to! You were in critical condition!"

"I can't believe you told Laura! We agreed! Don't worry her unless one of us actually dies!"

"I'm sorry! I thought you were…" He looked at her, then pulled her into another hug. "Don't do that again. I gotta go call Laura…" He ran off quickly to make the call. Nat watched him go, shaking her head.

She turned to look at Steve, a question in her eyes, her fingers twisting in the hem of her shirt uncomfortably. He stared back at her, dumbfounded, "How did you… When did you… I wasn't sure-"

"I know, me either. I had a strange dream…" She looked between Steve and Wanda uncertainly. Wanda stood, "I think we should give these two time to catch up…" She gave Natasha a quick hug, then ushered the others from the room.

Steve stayed seated, massaging his forehead with his hand as they left while periodically looking up to be certain she was real. When everyone was out he stood up and looked at her, "I'm so sorry I wasn't there when you woke up." Natasha shook her head, taking a few steps closer, "Nanali told me you were with me the whole time, and that you were working on something important. Her eyes flickered to the now black screen, she grimaced, "I'm so sorry, I tried not to scream, to make it easier for you."

Steve looked at her incredulously, "You're sorry? Because you screamed? Nat if I had gotten there sooner, or just turned the jet around when I saw T'Challa injure you, you might not have endured all that pain to begin with!" He suddenly felt angry, reliving the conflict through the video putting him on edge, "Or maybe if you hadn't fought me before we ran we would have made it out the door before Ross could crush you."

Natasha flushed in defensive anger, " I was trying to keep you safe Steve! But you walked right into the trap you knew was set for you!"

"And you attacked Ross when you knew he would kill you! I stood there and watched your own body snap your bones!"

"Steve for God's sake, feel my side, my ribs are healed. I'm fine!" She closed the distance between them, grabbing his hand and sliding it under her shirt over her hip to her waist. She looked up at him fiercely, but her anger melted when she saw his face. It had suddenly become real to him. Natasha was awake. He was looking at her in a way that he never had before. She swallowed, "Steve," she said, barely above a whisper, "Was that dream real? Do you really-"

Steve cut her off, the hand on her waist pulling her against him, his other hand on her neck. He kissed her, driving all thoughts out of her mind and making her knees buckle. Steve noticed, and wrapped his arms around her, lifting her off her feet and kissing her harder. Natasha kissed him back, her hands on his face, not quite believing what was happening but not about to let it pass her by. The kiss lingered, and ended in a fierce hug, Natasha's feet dangling off the ground.

"I couldn't let them control you Steve," Natasha mumbled, her cheek pressed against his, "I know I was reckless, that maybe we could have figured something out, but I couldn't take the risk that we wouldn't."

Steve squeezed her tighter, then pulled away, setting her on the edge of the couch and crouching in front of her. His eyes travelled all over her, "You're really healed? Do you feel any pain? Natasha I was certain you were going to die." He pressed her hands to his lips. She stared at him in wonderment, for a moment speechless. She nodded, embarrassed. "I'm not really sure how It's possible, but I feel almost normal. Better than I have in a long time." Her eyebrows furrowed, "My dream about my DNA, was that real too?" Her fingers moved absently over her ribs and stomach where the worst of the pain had centered. Steve nodded, his expression serious, "I donated blood for you, quite a bit of it, you had lost so much." He looked down, remembering, "Nanali says your DNA changed to be similar to mine. Your body healed itself like mine would. She's going to want to run some tests and find out the extent of the changes now that you are awake."

Natasha nodded, "I think I would like to know that myself." Steve looked up at her, taking in every detail of her face. He reached out to brush a strand of hair from her face, but Natasha stopped him. She pressed his hand to her cheek to soften the sting, letting him hold her hand on her knee.

"Steve, what are we doing?"

"What we should have done a long time ago."

Natasha shook her head sadly, "I don't think this is right for you Steve. Being with me."

Steve stood abruptly, "Oh for God's sake Nat, are we doing this again? We've been fighting this for years now. I swear if you say something about being unworthy of me-"

"I know you don't believe it and I love you for it Steve. You made me see how you felt. I know you trust me, and now I know that you absolutely can. I proved that to both of us by nearly dying. But Steve, I can't give you what you want."

"What I want is you Nat!"

"And after you have me? What then? Won't you want to be married, have children? Tell me Steve, and be honest. Eventually will that be something you want?"

Steve stared at her, "We can work it out, compromise where we need to." Natasha stood, an angry tear rolling off her cheek.

"Did you not see the memories that I showed you?" Natasha was yelling now, "You KNOW children aren' something we can compromise on! You know better than anyone because you saw it. I am STERILE Steve." She took a deep breath to steady herself, the reality of her situation setting in. She had been so close to having everything she wanted, but her past had crept up on her again, stealing away her joy.

Steve took her by the shoulders, "So my dreams have to change. That's ok Nat. You can't choose who you love."

Natasha looked up at him, the expression on her face turning Steve's heart to ice, her calm mask was back on.

"No, you can't choose who you love. But if there's anything I've learned in this life, it's that you can choose who you hurt. And I won't let my past ruin your future." She summoned all her strength and looked him straight in the eye, "I won't let this happen. I will fight for you, work with you, but we can never be."

Steve's hands dropped off her shoulders, and Natasha looked down before she could catch his expression. There was only so much pain a person could experience in such a short span of time. Even a hardened spy like Natasha couldn't handle an ounce more than what she was already experiencing, raging in her heart. Quickly she turned and left the room, leaving Steve to stare dumbfounded as she went.


	14. Chapter 14

**Special shout out to Jade, your review made me smile. I would love to be a writer for Marvel! What a compliment :) I hope you still like me after this chapter...**

Nanali discreetly stole a glanced at her charge as she drew blood samples for further testing. Natasha's face was hard, pain etched into every line as she stared off into space, seeming not to notice the doctor.

"There certainly has been a lot of change happening in your body," Nanali said, drawing another vial of blood. "How do you feel?"

Natasha looked at her, snapping out of her reverie, "Feel?"

"Yes. Physically how do you feel? I can see that your emotional health is lacking." Nanali turned to her computer, hooking the blood samples up to be analyzed.

"I feel fine. I feel… I'm not sure, different, but I'm not in pain. What did Steve-" she choked on his name, "What did Steve's blood do to me?" Her eyes grew suddenly wide, "I swear to God, if you tell me I can't get drunk I will scream."

Nanali chuckled, looking at the results on the screen. "That does not appear to be the case. Though I feel certain you will test my theory no matter what I tell you. The Serum in Captain Rogers blood seems to have heightened your ability to heal, which we have already seen." She pulled out the results of the MRI scan to show her, "It has also healed and removed scar tissue from your previous wounds."

Natasha lifted her shirt, and sure enough, the scar from the bullet Bucky had put in her was gone. Her skin was perfect all over, with no trace of any previous violence.

Nanali smiled, "Skin like a baby. And it looks like it will stay that way." Natasha put her shirt down.

"The only other difference that I can find is here," Nanali pointed to a spot on her brain from a brain scan in her hand. "We took this mere hours before you woke. Note this spot on your brain, it's called the right supramarginal gyrus, it's responsible for empathy and compassion in a person. What is interesting, is that yours is lit up, extremely active at the time we took the scan. I'm not sure why this happened, but my theory is that the brain activity in this region 'woke up' the rest of your brain, allowing you to come out of your coma. I would like to take another scan to compare, just to see what's happening in there."

Natasha immediately thought of Wanda, and of the strange connection she had placed between her and Steve that allowed her to feel what he felt. The science behind Wanda's gift was interesting. "I can do that," she shrugged. Nanali smiled at her, "We will postpone any more tests until after you've had some rest." She hesitated, suddenly becoming very serious, "There is one more test I think you should have done at some point." Natasha looked at her blankly, "Alright, what is it?"

Nanali pulled a chair in front of Natasha, sitting at eye level with her. "The serum has healed your body entirely. I want to suggest to you that it may also have healed… other issues." Natasha looked at her coldly, her mind unwilling to accept what Nanali was suggesting. "What other issues?" Nanali looked at her, compassion in her eyes, "I think you know."

Natasha felt tears rush to her eyes, but it only made her angry. She stood up and glared down at Nanali, "Do not give me false hope. Not even super serum can undo what was done to me."

Nanali looked up at her calmly, "That may be true. But all it would take is a quick exam to find out."

Natasha stood frozen in place, her mouth opening and closing wordlessly, fists balled at her side. Nanali leaned forward, "Ms. Romanoff, may I offer you a bit of advice?" The gentleness of Nanali's manner calmed Natasha, who nodded.

"When we experience a trauma, it inevitably becomes part of who we are. We get used to carrying the burden until we are so strong that it doesn't feel as heavy anymore." As Natasha watched, the older womans eyes grew distant, thoughtful. "The opportunity to have the effects of that trauma removed is unheard of. Yet here you are, facing the possibility that this is what has happened. Just from my observation of you Ms. Romanoff, it would seem that this turn of events is unwelcome. Why is that?"

Natasha just shrugged, her lips pressed into a thin line. "It just isn't possible. I wouldn't know what to do with that information." Her hand drifted to her stomach, touching it for a moment before realizing what she was doing and crossing her arms.

"Wouldn't you?"

Natasha looked at her sharply, a warning in her eyes. Nanali paid it no mind.

"It might be time to put that particular burden down. What would your life might look like without the effects of your past? You would have no further excuse to bar yourself from happiness." She clasped Natasha's hand gently, "Don't let fear hold you back."

It was too much for Natasha, her emotions going haywire. She stormed from the room, wanting to be anywhere but there, to find a place of solitude to think. She stopped at the door and turned angrily to Nanali, "What I do is not about me, it's for the sake of people I love. When you love someone, you sacrifice for them, for their happiness."

Nanali spoke, wisdom and sadness audible in her voice, "My dear girl, love is desiring the highest good for the other person. Sometimes that means sacrifice, certainly. Sometimes it means being humble enough to accept that you might be what he needs. And you forget, the ones you love here on this team, also love you…"

There was a very real danger that the tears swimming in Natasha's eyes would spill over. Feeling foolish, like a child, she turned from the older woman and ran.

By the time Natasha stopped running, she found herself on the roof of the tower, gazing out over the city lit up in the darkness. It was a calming scene, and she sat, her legs dangling over the edge, taking it in. She let the sounds of the city fill her mind, pushing out all other thoughts. Her eyes wandered, tracing the edge of the skyline, headlights and brakelights making a twinkling light show as they made their way through the streets below. She sat there for a while, the cool breeze blowing across her face, allowing herself to think about nothing at all. Slowly, cautiously, she began to consider the facts.

She was alone, she had been alone since she was a child. The thought didn't frighten or sadden her, it was simply a fact. Being part of a team was still a new concept for her. She had always worked alone, it was where she was comfortable, it was what she was used to; up until this point, her very physical make up had caused her to believe that she was meant to be alone. She had known her place in the world.

 _You have no place in the world._ The words of her Red Room training floated back to her. As much as she fought against what they had made her, it was a concept that she still believed. She was an Avenger for now, but she struggled to believe it was somewhere she belonged. She would stay until she was no longer needed or could no longer contribute. It had never been a forever thing. But now Steve…

She shook her head, nervous to approach this line of thought. She loved him, there was no denying that. _Love is choosing the highest good for the other person._ Nanali 's words drifted through her head. Natasha hugged her knees. With her past, and all that came with it, would she ever be the highest good for anyone? Let alone someone as good as Steve Rogers? She thought about it for a moment, what would be the highest good, the very best thing she could do for Steve? Steve needed a woman he could trust to have his back, who would protect him from himself during the times when he was too hard on himself. He needed a woman who could love him as he was, and never try to take him away from the service of his country. Whether he admitted it or not, Natasha knew that Steve needed conflict, he needed to protect people. It was literally part of his physical make up, in his blood. He would want stability peppered by adventure. If what Nanali said were true, and she was healed and able to have children, then Natasha had every quality Steve would want. She considered that, shocked at her own conclusion.

 _You have no place in the world._ The words tightened her heart like a vice. Committing to Steve meant committing to the Avengers. A few days ago the Avengers had split, the team was no longer a team, and she had disagreed with Steve. They might not always agree in the future. How would they deal with that? What would happen if Natasha no longer wanted, or was no longer able, to be an Avenger? Steve was the poster child for American Freedom, what would the world think of him pairing with a Russian assassin?

Mentally she reigned in her thoughts, stopping the flow of questions. If she was going to actively love Steve, then she had to pick the best thing for him. She had enough humility to understand that Steve deserved for her to let him have some say in it. She needed to talk this through. She had to tell him about the possibility of her being healed. As for her place in the world, right now it was with the Avengers team. She couldn't control the future, she and Steve would have to figure it out, what was best for each other, as they went. She stood up and went to find him.

As she descended the stairs into the common area, she could hear the voices of the team, tense with disagreement. When she heard her name spoken, she paused to listen.

"We can't post this video now! The public will think it's a lie! You saw Nat, she's completely healed!"

Steve replied, irritation in his voice, "So we tell them the truth! I gave her my blood which had an effect on her ability to heal!"

Tony cut in, "Steve, trust me, it's bad enough that I know that your blood has healing properties, I'm fighting the urge to steal a blood sample in your sleep for my own research. You do not want to tell the world that the cure for cancer could be floating around in your blood. They will be after you in a second. You thought the Accords was bad, you would turn a whole population against you."

"So we say that we waited a while before we posted the video."

"We waited six months to give vital information to the public concerning the safety of enhanced people? That suggests a lack of urgency! And if I may remind you, the government will be pounding on our door demanding their prisoner back any second now. Some of us here have signed, we are legally bound to obey or face the consequences, which we have recently learned are fairly severe."

Steve ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, "What are you suggesting we do?"

"I have to leave."

The team turned to look at Natasha, who had materialized apparently out of nowhere. Their expressions were guilty. She looked at them, her face stoic, "I have to go somewhere where no one will see me to report that I am uninjured. You can tell people you've sent me away for recovery. I'll need to be gone for quite a while, my injuries were extensive."

Steve looked at her, his face a reflection of her rejection mixed with despair, "No. We are not going to send you off to exile for sacrificing to protect this team!"

"Steve," Natasha's voice was low, resigned, "There is no other way. If I stay, all hell will break lose, and it will be like none of this ever happened." She looked at the reunited Avengers team with a sad smile, "I have to choose the highest good for every one of you. I'll leave in the morning."

Steve started towards her but stopped at her look. "Your place in the world is here, with... us." he stumbled on "us" and Natasha knew he meant, " with me." She willed her heart to close to him, it was the only way she would survive this.

She shook her head, her expression serious, "I have no place in the world."


	15. Chapter 15

**I love how invested you all are in this story! I'll be honest, half the time I'm as surprised as you are by the things these characters do and say. What will Nat do next?**

It had been several weeks since Natasha had left the Avengers tower on a quinjet headed for Wakanda. T'Challa and Nanali accompanied her, offering their country as a place of refuge until the time was right for her to return. "We have a place so protected, not even you would be able to find it," T'Challa had said to Steve when he questioned him.

"I should go with her, keep her company."

Tony shook his head, "Steve, that would look like you're in hiding from the law. She has a good excuse, being allegedly torn up and all, but you, you need to be seen taking a stand with us."

"She shouldn't be alone!" Steve exclaimed in frustration. The team had looked at him sidelong, unused to outbursts from Captain America. Wanda put her hand on his shoulder, "Steve, she will be in good hands. We need you here." The matter had been settled.

Everyone continued to say "when you come back," and, "next time we see you," as though nothing would have changed for her. She supposed that for them, nothing had changed, she was just going away for a while. But for Natasha, the circumstances were too convenient, too familiar. Just as she was about to make a decision that would make her happy, Fate snatched it away from her. There was no point in trying to go back. She would be a wanderer until the day a bullet found her. This would not be the last time her life would take an unexpected turn. To try to fight her fate was to put people she loved at risk. Natasha had no intention of returning. She had brought the team back together, that had to be enough for her. She had looked around the tower as she prepared to leave; this had been the closest thing she had ever had to a home.

Clint was the only one who had guessed what was going on in her head. He had approached her seriously, giving her a hug that lasted a bit longer than was normal, "Do what you have to do Nat," he said in her ear, "But come back to us." She had given him a quick peck on the cheek before quickly boarding the jet.

She had buckled herself into her chair and put her head in her hands, feeling as though Ross had implanted the constrictor on her heart. The whir of the jet engine was the only sound, she tried to let it wash away her thoughts.

"You were going to leave without saying goodbye."

Steve's voice startled her so badly that she leaped to her feet, or meant to, but she was buckled into her seat. She jolted against the shoulder straps and landed right back in her chair.

"God Steve! You scared me half to death!"

"Nat, you are coming back, aren't you?" Steve held her gaze, and Natasha was unable to look away, the phantom constrictor tearing at her heart. She couldn't answer, the pain she was feeling was unfathomable, as though his very presence doubled it. She felt the first stab of doubt about what she was doing.

 _You would be poison to him._

Natasha shuddered and dropped her gaze, resolved again, "Steve don't make this harder than it has to be."

Steve closed the distance between them, taking her face in his hands, "What is going on in your head Nat? I don't understand. I feel like I'm missing something important."

 _You would destroy him._ Natasha choked on a sob, completely losing control of herself but desperately trying to hang onto it. The sudden burst of emotion felt completely foreign to her, she was lacking her usual control. _Steve, I love you._ She thought it fiercely at him, knowing she would never be able to say it out loud.

Steve looked alarmed, and then confused, "What did you say?"

 _Your past will always catch up to you._ Natasha gasped and kicked Steve away from her desperately. "Get out Steve! I don't want you near me! Leave me alone." Her words had reverberated through the jet, making Steve's jaw drop in shock. Slowly he got up, then turned and left the plane. The tearing in her heart felt completed. She felt raw, her heart more than torn, it was broken. She unhooked herself from her seat with the intention of locking herself in the back room, but she hit her knees instead, arms wrapped around herself, one hand pressed to her mouth.

Nanali had found her there and led her to a room that would be hers for the trip. The doctor had stayed with her, despite her rather violent insistence that she wanted to be alone. The older woman had been a silent presence, a quiet reminder that, though things might not have turned out as she had hoped, she was not utterly alone. The further they got from the tower, the calmer she became, until the pain was a dull ache in her heart. She had fallen asleep against Nanali's shoulder, her face streaked with tears.

In the following weeks she had felt nothing at all, the protective wall the KGB had taught her to build slamming down around her mind. She occupied herself with training, and letting Nanali run tests on her to discover more about her new abilities. She refused to think of Steve by day, but by night he always found her in her dreams. Every night since she had come to stay in Wakanda, she had dreamed about him, vivid dreams that felt more real to her than her what her daily life had become. Sometimes he just sat silently with her, other times he spoke. Last night had been particularly vivid.

She had been laying in her bed, trying to fall asleep. She turned to her side to find him lying beside her, his head propped up on his arm. She sighed, resigned to the fact that she couldn't avoid him, and looked into his face. His eyes smiled down at her kindly, with a touch of sadness.

"Hey Nat."

She gave him a small smile despite herself, "Hiya stranger." Tired of fighting, Nat reached an arm out and pulled herself into his chest. She took a deep breath in and let it out, he even smelled the same. _I'll just give in for these few moments_ , she thought to herself, snuggling her head into his shoulder, _Just for this dream…_

"Nat," Steve whispered to her, "I have to tell you something, and I need you to listen and remember."

"Mmmm," Natasha mumbled, finally relaxed and on the verge of sleep. Steve pulled away from her, rolling so that his upper body lay over her hips, his arms wrapped around her waist. Natasha blinked at him sleepily, brushing his blonde hair from his eyes absently.

"Natasha, I need you to listen." Natasha nodded, looking at him expectantly. He was a very persistent dream.

"Tomorrow, you're going to find out something important, something that will help you make your mind up. And I need you to know something now, before any of it gets out." Natasha furrowed her eyebrows, he wasn't making sense. Steve gently, cautiously, ran his hand up her side, lifting her T-shirt so that her stomach was showing. He put his hand over her belly button, warm against her skin.

"I don't care if you can have children. With you gone, I'm half the man I should be. I can't think straight, I can't lead. Tony is having to pick up the slack. Nat, it's you I want. And you know I never lie." He kissed her stomach, then pulled himself forward and quickly kissed her forehead, "Please come back."

Natasha looked up at him, tears in her eyes, "You're only a dream Steve."

He had smiled, "Yes. But let your guard down and I could be more." Nat slipped her arms around him and hugged him, wishing it were true.

"I have to go now Nat."

She squeezed him harder, "No, stay with me."

"I can't. Not yet. But there's one more thing you should know." He turned so his lips brushed her ear, "I love you too."

She had woken herself up crying, her ear still tingling from his words. His absence brought the pain that she worked so hard to keep at bay pounding back down on top of her. Wrapping her arms around a pillow that was poor replacement for him, she had cried herself back to sleep.

Natasha shook herself, shoving the memory away. Her only comfort had been T'Challa's offer to train with her. In the action of fighting her mind cleared, and she reveled in the peace of the fight.

Wakandans, Nanali had explained to her, were warriors before they were anything else. Before a Wakandan child could choose a profession, he or she had to demonstrate full competency in the warrior arts. The training did her good, and T'Challa was a good partner. He was quiet, didn't talk too much, and never went easy on her.

"Show me the move you used on me back in the jet hanger," Natasha said to him, "You had me off balance and on my back before I could think."

"You don't think in fighting, you just fight."

Natasha rolled her eyes, "Just show me." T'Challa obliged.

It had been Natasha's intention to stay for a while in Wakanda until she had another plan set, but T'Challa's training was proving to be invaluable, and Natasha couldn't resist staying on and learning as much as she could from him. His vast knowledge of fighting styles helped him analyze her strengths and weaknesses and suggest the style that would suit her best in different situations. Natasha caught on quickly, learning and improving at a blazing pace.

"You favor Krav Maga," T'Challa noted as they sparred. Natasha nodded, "I appreciate the 'no bull shit' approach to fighting that it gives. Just kick him in the balls."

"Soon you won't need stingers to beat me," T'Challa laughed, panting from the effort of their sparring session and wiping his forehead.

"Hey, I was distracted, I was having an off day."

"And that is not my fault," he said to her smiling pointedly. They sat together, drinking water and taking a break. T'Challa looked over at Natasha.

"Ms. Romanoff-"

"Call me Natasha"

"Natasha," he corrected, "I can't help but notice that you haven't watched the video your team put out weeks ago, nor have you kept up with the news. Aren't you curious how things are going for your friends?"

Natasha looked down, "They can handle themselves. I was thinking I would steer clear of the states for a while anyway. I might travel a bit and see where I can make myself useful."

T'Challa was silent for a moment, "Are you not most useful as part of the Avengers? Did you not nearly lose your life so that they might be safe?"

Natasha shook her head, her voice quiet, the exercise making her uncharacteristically open, "I did it for Steve." T'Challa simply looked at her, waiting for her to continue. Natasha struggled, absently running her hands over her stomach, "Things are… complicated. Sometimes fate makes things work out for the best."

T'Challa smiled a small smile, his eyes thoughtful, "I have found that it is best not to assume that you know what fate has in store." He stood up, "I'm off to take care of my kingly duties." He smiled at her, "Same time tomorrow?" Natasha nodded. As he was leaving he turned to her, "Oh, and Nanali asked me to remind you that the brain scans are done if you are interested in the results."

"Thanks."

Natasha sat a moment more, temporarily letting her mind wander, something she hadn't done since she left the tower. _Remember the dream…_ Natasha started, Steve's voice clear as day in her head. She listened hard, but heard nothing else. She stood up, it was time to see Nanali, and find out just what was happening inside her head.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16! Enjoy!**

 _Steve, I love you…_

Those words had haunted Steve from the moment the quinjet took off, taking Natasha to a location unknown. Had he imagined them? Her voice had sounded so clear in his head, but the words contrasted drastically from what he knew he heard her say out loud. _Get out Steve! I don't want you near me! Leave me alone._

For days he went about the final preparations of the video halfheartedly, infuriating Tony with his distracted indifference. Would she come back? But the question that haunted him most was wondering where he went wrong. He and Natasha were suited to each other. Why had she rejected him so adamantly and with so little consideration? After a particularly trying day, Tony had seized Steve by the shirt, red faced with frustration, "Get your shit together Rogers. She's only gone while we fix things here at home." He pushed him backwards, looking at him with disgust, "She would be embarrassed to see you now." Steve had stormed away, determined not to let it come to blows.

He found himself on the roof of the tower, the city was busy with mid day traffic. The sun beat down on his head as he paced back and forth along the edge. Gradually he calmed and sat down. Where was she now? He looked at his watch, it would be night time in Wakanda right now, she was probably asleep. He pulled the image of her face up in his mind's eye, sitting with his back against the wall, his eyes closed. He knew he was only torturing himself, that he needed to focus and be there for the team, but it was a pain he couldn't resist feeling, not yet.

He saw her sleeping face, curled up under her covers. She twitched in her sleep, her mouth pulling into a frown. Steve looked on, wishing he could talk to her. Suddenly Steve felt a huge pang of fear. His eyes flew open to find the danger, his head whipping back and forth, but no one was there. His heart rate elevated, he took deep breaths to calm himself. What had just happened? He looked cautiously around again before settling back against the wall, gradually relaxing. Closing his eyes, he imagined Natasha again. There she was, stirring in her sleep. The fear hit him again, but he kept his eyes shut, brow furrowed. He looked closer at her, his mind's eye bring him closer and closer to her face like a camera, only it didn't stop. Centering on her forehead, Steve lost sight of her, and a new scene appeared in front of him. He blinked, confused. He saw himself, on his knees before Natasha, who was holding a knife to his heart, the cruel grip of her hand on the hilt showing with white knuckles. On either side of her was a man and a woman, both Russian, and Natasha was clearly terrified of them. Steve heard them murmur to her "Obey us or we will make you stab him through his are not an Avenger." Natasha bit back a sob, her hand trembling as though she couldn't control it, "Please don't make me hurt him."

Steve ran forward, "Natasha!" he swung at the Russian closest to him, but his fist passed through him like a mist. He looked around, bewildered.

"Steve?"

Natasha stared at him, clearly confused. She looked back where dream Steve had been, but everyone was gone.

"Steve?" She asked again, tremulously.

"Yeah. Yeah Nat it's me."

She ran to him and wrapped her arms around him, the solid feel of her body startling him awake.

"Steve! Wake up!" As Steve opened his eyes, Wanda came into focus. Her expression made him sit up, "What? Whats wrong?"

"You saw her didn't you?"

Steve looked at her with a frown, "It's not polite to eavesdrop on people's dreams Wanda." The feel of Natasha's arms around him lingered, a pang of longing replacing it. Wanda shook her head, "I didn't. Steve, you weren't sleeping."

"What?" She wasn't making any sense.

"You were doing what I do when I am trying to sense people. I could feel your power from downstairs."

"Power? I don't have any power, I was asleep!"

"Close your eyes, find her again."

"Wanda, I fell asleep while imagining Nat, wherever she is. I don't have powers."

Wanda shook her head, "Steve, something is going on here and we need to figure it out right away. I know what I felt. Just do it, reach out to her, imagine her, whatever you want to call it. Just humour me. I'm going to listen in this time, I'll know for sure then."

Steve sighed, embarrassed. He closed his eyes and imagined her again. He imagined her bedroom as he had just seen it, but she wasn't in her bed. _Nat?_ He called out in his head, feeling foolish. _Nat are you there?_ Suddenly he felt her, a quick flash of anger before a dark cold barrier shut him out. Steve opened his eyes.

Wanda looked at him, eyes wide, "You have connected with her. She's shutting you out, she probably thinks she's losing it. I did when I first got my power." Wanda sat next to him heavily, her face creased with worry. She looked at him,"Steve, you can only speak to her in her dreams, or there is a real possibility you will drive her insane."

"What are you talking about?! What just happened?!"

Wanda looked at him guiltily, "I didn't know this would happen when I connected you two. Her DNA was still in flux, it must have picked up some of my capabilities while you were speaking to her. It would seem that she has retained that power, you are connected with her. I don't think she realizes it yet."

Steve's mouth hung open, the facts slowly falling into place. "I can talk to her?" Wanda nodded, "And she can talk to you I'm guessing."

Steve thought of the words that had rung so clearly in his head, _Steve, I love you._ His face was suddenly rapturous. She loved him. Whatever was going on in her head when she left, she still loved him. He felt like laughing and crying at the same time. "I have to talk to her!"

He reached out in his mind, _Nat, I'm here with you-_ A sudden crippling jolt of fear went through him, cutting him off mid thought. Wanda smacked him.

"Steve, you _cannot_ talk to her! She thinks she's dwelling on memories of you, she has no idea you are aware of her. If you start talking to her in her head and giving her new information that she knows she didn't have before, she will assume she's losing her mind. Trust me, I know. You have to limit yourself to her dreams, and you can't tell her anything new."

"Wanda," Steve said in awe, "I can feel what she's feeling…" His eyes were staring off into space, recognizing at last the faint feel of Natasha's presence. It was as though a small portion of his heart was sectioned off for her. He could check in whenever he liked. Currently she felt afraid, but she was working hard to feel nothing at all. Soon Steve felt numb.

"It's likely that she can feel what you're feeling too since that was why I connected you two in the first place. I can't stress this enough, you are responsible for her emotional state right now. She won't be able to differentiate your feelings from hers, but you can now that you know." Wanda's face was distressed, "She probably thinks she's lost control of herself. Although, the barrier she put up against your thoughts is impressive, I wonder how she did that." She looked at Steve, suddenly serious, "It's time for you to step up and do your job. You've been sulking around here for days and it's not good for you, the team, or Natasha. She feels what you feel now."

Steve raised his eyebrows at her, "I thought you were supposed to be my student."

"I would like to be again, so pick yourself up off the ground and help us finish. In return I will help you understand how your new skill works." She looked at him sharply, "And stay out of her private thoughts." Steve furrowed his eyebrows, standing up, "I don't think I could intrude if I wanted to, the barrier between us is solid."

"When she sleeps those walls come down. So just be sure you afford her some privacy." She thought for a moment, "You have to explain all this to her in person, and you two will need to work together on boundaries. Can you reach T'Challa or Nanali to let them know?"

Steve shook his head, "They said they would check in every few months, but their location is secret and untraceable."

"You need to find her and bring her back. She needs training as soon as possible, or the weight of two sets of emotions, two consciousnesses will weigh on her until she breaks. It took me ages to separate my thoughts and feelings from those that were flooding in from the outside."

Suddenly Natasha's parting words floated through Steve's head. They hadn't come out of nowhere, Natasha had wanted him gone. He frowned. Their new connection didn't give him any right to assume that he knew what she wanted. He would find her, tell her about the connection and then give her the space she needed.

Steve nodded, a new determination settling over him. At least he would get to see her. He might be able to bring her around. First he needed to fix the situation at home. "Ok, lets see what we can do about this mess. The sooner we fix it, the sooner we can figure out how to help her."


	17. Chapter 17

**Alright guys, this is it, the natural conclusion of this story. However, if you have ideas for a sequel, let me know what you would like to see! There are a lot of directions I could take this. As ever, your reviews have been so kind and encouraging! Be sure to check out some of my other fics! Much love! -Dcurl-**

Natasha walked into Nanali's office and sat down to wait for her. Natasha had become closer with the doctor than she ever expected, her guarded heart unwittingly making itself another friend. She glanced at the clock, Nanali was late. Sitting back with a sigh, her eyes moved to the muted television on the wall. Her stomach did a flip, Steve's face was on the screen. Snatching up the remote,she turned the volume up, breaking her own rules about not thinking about him. He was talking, and she had to know what he was saying.

"Agent Romanoff came to the point of painful death, willing to die before she cooperated with this corrupt practice, allowing me to escape. She is currently under medical observation at a secret location for her own safety."

The sound of his voice made her miss him all the more. She shook her head, trying to focus.

"I ask you, if the government treats their Enhanced Individuals this way even after signing the Accords, who is safe? They have been lying to you. They have only their own agendas in mind, binding up those who would truly protect your rights. I'm here today to tell you that we, the Avengers, are those people. We are reunited because of Agent Romanoff's sacrifice. We have each other's backs, and we have yours. When disaster strikes, who do you want at your side? Men who may or may not see your life as priority? Or the Avengers, the people who would die rather than see an injustice live. "

Steve voice rose, "Because if we tried to come to your aid against the wishes of the government while under the Accords, this is what happens." The video cut to an image of Natasha curled on the ground, the grotesque sound of her ribs cracking punctuating Steve's words. Natasha cringed, remembering.

Steve let a moment of silence fill the space. "Men and Women of America, I am not a criminal. We are not criminals. We are prisoners. In our hour of need, won't you come to our aid, just as we have come to yours countless times? We won't fight, too many innocent lives would be lost. We lay our fate in your hands." Steve's blue eyes pierced the hearts of all watching, but none more than Natasha's, "Please, don't let Natasha's sacrifice be for nothing."

The screen cut to a news announcer, "This stirring address given by Captain Steve Rogers just weeks ago has sparked the biggest peaceful revolution this nation has ever seen. The public has demanded the Sokovia Accords be overturned and the Avengers be set free from prosecution."

The shot changed to Everett Ross being led away in handcuffs, "Those responsible for Agent Natasha Romanoff's capture and the attempted blackmailing of Captain America have been rounded up and imprisoned. But the big question weighing on the hearts of Americans everywhere is where is Natasha Romanoff, the hero of what many are calling 'The Romanoff Revolution,' and will she return?"

Natasha started at the next scene, thousands of people holding signs with her face on them at candlelight vigils. She swallowed hard, overcome by what she was seeing.

The news anchor continued, "After putting things in order for the Avengers team, Captain America has been notably absent, trusting Tony Stark to finalize any remaining details. There is speculation that he is looking for Agent Romanoff, her location a secret even from him." Footage on the screen showed Natasha in a coma, Steve asleep over her knees, holding her hand. The suggestion of their relationship clear. Natasha's eyes grew misty, she wiped away a lone tear that had escaped, feeling desolate and overcome with homesickness, not for New York, but for Steve.. She thought of her dream, wishing for a moment that he was by her side as he had been then. Her eyes remained glued to the screen in the hopes of one more glimpse of him, but the story was concluded, the news anchor moved on to the changes that were happening in government positions in the United States.

 _Steve,_ she thought to herself, her heart aching, _I miss you so much._ In the next moment her heart swelled with joy, bewildering Natasha. As the feeling faded, she crashed back down into sadness. "What the hell?" she muttered to herself out loud. _What is wrong with me?!_

Nanali cleared her throat behind her, startling her into reality. She turned and looked at Nanali, her face miserable. Nanali leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed over her chest. She shook her head and came over to her, "You are the most stubborn woman I have ever met."

Natasha frowned at her, "What do you mean?"

Nanali glanced up at the television and then back at her, "It is so clear what you want. But you refuse to let yourself have it."

Natasha shifted uncomfortably, "I'm just trying to make things easier."

"For who? Not for Steve surely? And certainly not for yourself."

"Yes for Steve! Nanali, I am actually hearing voices now!" Natasha gestured emphatically to her own head, "It's like I want so badly to be with Steve that I'm inventing conversations. I dream of him every single night. I think…." She swallowed, staring at Nanali with wide eyes, "Could his blood be causing me to lose it? Maybe my body just isn't strong enough to handle it?"

Nanali shook her head and started to speak but Natasha cut her off, beginning to sound hysterical, "Being strong on my own is all I know, but it's like my brain has rejected everything I was taught! He's always with me but all it does it show me how alone I am. And you ask why I can't let myself go back?" Natasha's face clouded with dark realization, "I'm losing my mind."

Nanali came close to Natasha, her voice low, "You aren't losing your mind Natasha. I want you to listen to me closely, just be open minded."

Natasha looked at her suspiciously, the wheels in her head beginning to turn. She suddenly stood, staring in horror at Nanali, "Oh my God…. Nanali... did you do this to me? One medical procedure and suddenly I can't control my own mind, my own feelings…" Betrayal was written all over her face as she whispered, "You're Hydra aren't you?"

"Natasha no… Let me explain-"

"I can't believe I didn't see it before," Natasha was breathless with disbelief and anger, "I've been through it so many times before. Well done getting close to me, that's not something many people do. I have to give you credit there." Her voice dripped with bitterness.

"No Natasha listen! Steve-"

"No. Don't you dare talk to me about Steve." Natasha's fists clenched with fury, reveling in her anger. Finally, for the first time in weeks, she felt in control, her anger burning away the rampant, contradictory emotions, her body ready for a fight, her mind focused. "You've been subtly trying to get me to go back to Steve since I got here. Why? So you can get to him through me?" The thought of being forced to hurt Steve enraged her even more. Nanali, alarmed, took her by the wrist in an effort to make her listen. It was all the trigger Natasha needed. She lunged at Nanali, her hands aiming for her throat. As her hands were about to close on her, someone came hurtling through the air towards Natasha, knocking her away from Nanali hard, sending her crashing sideways to the ground.

Natasha struck out madly at her attacker, her training with T'Challa had not gone to waste. She swung her legs up and kicked him hard in the stomach, launching herself back to her feet. She searched the room for Nanali and spotted her, the woman hadn't even bothered to run, but simply stood there looking horrified.

"Natasha enough!" She yelled. Natasha snorted, her mind was still her own so far. She would do as she pleased. Her vision red, she ran at Nanali, only to have her attacker grab at her ankle and send her crashing back to the ground. He yanked her back towards him, and Natasha struggled against his strength. He pulled himself on top of her, pinning her arms and legs so she couldn't move.

"Natasha! Look at me!"

Natasha's eyes popped open in shock, it was Steve. Her shock was quickly replaced by disgust. Steve felt her confusion, she was convinced that she couldn't trust her own eyes, that Nanali was controlling her mind. A sudden shift in her thoughts brought Steve's attention back to her face, she felt suddenly determined, but she was crying. Confused, his heart tightened for a moment, and a moment was all Natasha needed. In a flash of triumph, Natasha took advantage of his hesitation, breaking free of his grasp and swinging at him, landing a solid punch to his jaw. As he flinched she wriggled free, sweeping her leg under him and knocking him onto his back. A shower of brutal punches rained down on him, but he couldn't strike back, couldn't bear the thought of hurting her.

Natasha stopped punching long enough to pull her knife and place it at his throat. She turned to Nanali, her expression wild with grief and betrayal, "You tell me how to be free of your mind games or I swear I will slit his throat, whoever this is."

When Nanali spoke, her voice was calm but strained, "Natasha, I was about to explain this to you. That is Steve Rogers, he's here to tell you about the connection that was forged between you by the Scarlet Witch while you were unconscious."

"This is not Steve!" Natasha yelled, her voice cracking.

"It is me Nat, I swear to you, Nanali is telling the truth!" Angry tears streamed down Natasha's face and she pressed the knife harder against Steve's neck. A drop of blood trickled down his throat.

"Don't you speak to me in his voice," she whispered, her voice deadly, "And don't believe for a moment that I won't kill you. Steve Rogers does not know where I am. This location is untraceable."

Steve could feel her hysteria, her deep rooted fear of being controlled by an outside source. It battled with how deeply she wished he were truly there. Her pain was so great he could almost taste it. When he spoke, his voice was soft. He knew he was taking a risk.

"Natasha, think. Hydra's mind control forces you to do things you don't want to do. If you were being controlled, I would not be being held at knife point." Natasha's eyes narrowed, but she didn't move. Steve hastily continued.

"As soon as I realized the connection between us, Wanda began teaching me about it. I've been using it to find you. All the conflicting emotions you've been feeling have been a combination of your emotions and mine."

Natasha stared at him, her knife hand trembling, distrust in her eyes. She glanced at Nanali and then back to Steve. "How do you know about my emotions?"

"I'm telling the truth, we are connected mentally and emotionally now. I've been visiting you in your dreams too. You had a dream a few weeks ago, about two Russians forcing you to hurt me. Natasha, Don't let that dream become a prophecy. I really am here."

Natasha seemed to choke on her words, still holding the knife. Steve looked into her eyes and opened his thoughts to her. He thought of all the ways he had tried to find her, of the weeks he had spent tracking her down. He thought of all the times he wanted to talk with her but couldn't. Steve let every moment they had spent apart run through his mind, and through hers. He let her feel every moment that he had thought of her since she had been gone. It washed through Natasha like a balm, soothing away her anger and mistrust. The feeling was so uniquely Steve, so full of love for her that she knew it couldn't be counterfeit. Eyes wide, she looked back at Steve, pinned underneath her, bruises forming on his face, and her hand at his throat. She dropped the knife as though it had burned her, covering her face with her hands. Steve sat up and wrapped his arms around her, gritting his teeth against the sudden deluge of emotion that flooded through her and into him. She felt relief, and grief, regret for what she had done, and joy that he was here. As she sobbed into his shoulder he could feel her embarrassment and horror at the display of emotion she was showing, coupled with indifference. He had never imagined that Natasha could be so complex.

He sent her soothing thoughts, assuring her that she was alright, that he was there with her. Natasha pulled up the memory of her leaving, of the words she had said. The image was laced with apology, and Natasha wrapped her arms around him tightly as if to demonstrate their falsehood. She pulled away for a moment to look at him, her fingers tracing the bruises she had left on his face and along his jaw. She wrapped her arms around him again.

"I'm sorry," She whispered against his cheek, "I'm so sorry."

Steve hugged her tight, then pulled away, smoothing her tears from her cheeks, "I'm sorry too Nat. I tried to get here as fast as I could, Wanda told me that this connection would be difficult to bear without a full understanding. I meant for Nanali to explain it to you and then tell you I was here, just to ease you into it."

Steve looked over at Nanali, "I'm sorry, that didn't quite go as I had planned…" He glanced around the office, destroyed from their fight. Nanali just shook her head, with a small smile she left the room. Steve looked back at Natasha in his lap, she was still trying to get a handle on herself. He felt a pang of anxiety about the pressure he was putting on her.

"Nat, I want you to know that despite all this, if you want space from me you can still have it. We just need to learn how to block each other out-" Steve stumbled to a stop as he looked at Natasha's face, she looked horrified.

"Steve…" Natasha searched for words, "I've spent my whole life blocking people out. And with you…" She struggled to explain. Suddenly she looked at him, her expression determined. Putting her hands on both sides of his face she closed her eyes and concentrated.

Steve felt like he was flowing through Natasha's consciousness watching and feeling every interaction they had ever had. He felt her initial uncertainty about him, and watched it grow into friendship. He could feel as though her experience were his own, her fear of letting him down, of hurting him. She let him feel the joy she had felt when he kissed her, and the empty hole he left in her when they were apart. Steve looked at her in awe.

"I thought Fate wanted me alone, but here you are, back in my life and with an even more permanent connection." She rested her forehead on his, "I'm done running. You've worn me down. If you can handle my shortcomings, I'm yours."

Natasha let out a sigh. There. She had said it. She kept her eyes closed, uncertain of what Steve would say. After all, she had just held a knife to his throat. As she waited, a peculiar feeling filled her, as if her heart was healing, and then expanding. It made her want to laugh and cry at the same time. She looked at Steve, his face was luminous, his eyes sparkling. Natasha put her hand on her chest, "Is that you I'm feeling?" Steve laughed and nodded, before pulling her in for a kiss. He was gentle, his fingertips barely brushing her cheek as he kissed her slowly, as if afraid she might startle and run away. As she leaned in she pulled him closer, and it grew more energetic, fireworks sparking in Natasha's chest, butterflies in her stomach. Steve pulled away, his eyes laughing, "Did I just give the Black Widow butterflies?!" Natasha laughed, "Shut up and kiss me Rogers." Happily, Steve obliged.


	18. Chapter 18

For those of you following Natasha's Redemption, I wanted to update you to let you know that I have posted the beginning of the sequel! It's titled "Natasha's Nightmare." Thanks for reading!


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